This past week had its ups and downs. My home in Georgia that is currently on the market received an offer, but as so often happens in this process, things didn’t work out. I recall when Rich and I closed on that home in 2020 and we hadn’t sold our home in New Jersey yet. It would take six months to do so. There are many contributing factors influencing my current situation and when the time is right, and the house is sold, I will share the challenges that have presented. It’s a great house and Rich and I created so many sweet memories there. I’m excited to see what lucky family gets to do so next. I also believe that our homes actually choose us, not the other way around. I realize that may be too new-agey for some, but it works for me.

But, there are good things going on, too. I’ve been editing my memoir and I as I recently received a very nice nod from an industry professional, I do so with a new found purpose and energy. I began writing this book about a year and a half ago. With the input of beta readers and a professional developmental edit I’ve tightened my manuscript to make it stronger. I’m confident that my book, and more importantly my story, will find its way into the world when it is ready and everything aligns. I’m not new to the ever-changing world of publishing and despite new technology, it is still a very slow process, unless you use AI and I recommend that you don’t.

The other day I had someone reach out to me about a client who’d lost their spouse and wanted to know if I could recommend some resources to help them. Of course I suggested Soaring Sprits, International as a great place to start. I also suggested some online groups that I find helpful.

The advice and support offered by these online groups are often determined by each individual’s circumstances. This fall, for instance, I’ll be at the five year mark of widowhood,entering something I’ve coined as “Midowhood”. There are many stages of grieving faced by those who’ve lost a spouse, or life partner. I’m reminded of that when editing my memoir. At times it makes me exhausted to relive prior stages, but in revisiting I gain new perspective.

And all widowed are not created equally. I’m also reminded of this when I visit the online groups where widowed people share the unique circumstances of their widowhood. I’ve come upon a topic recently that always seems to be divisive, unfortunately. There are widowed people who declare that they will never enter into another relationship with someone new because they feel that this will dishonor the love and loyalty they have for their late spouse.

That is all fine and good, but there is an implication in some of their comments that those who do remarry or enter new relationships don’t possess the same degree of loyalty and love for their deceased loved one as they. The other day I reminded a poster that we all make choices that are the best for us and we shouldn’t judge others for doing what they think is best for themselves. We as widowed face so many  who are ignorant of the challenges we all face, it is hurtful to be judged by someone who should know better.

After that exchange, I recieved a message from someone who’d seen my comment. She invited me to join a new group for those who’ve forged new relationships, or marriage, post widowhood. This is a no judgement zone where we can share happy and hopeful stories and the unique challenges in choosing to find new paths to living. I still appreciate my time spent on different widow sites, and I think it’s important to join groups that are most helpful to us as we move forward.

Lately among the widowed sites there is much talk about the new series, The Madison, starring Michelle Pfiefer. I have not watched other than trailers. I’m a fan of the actress and I note that even my widowed colleagues laud the authenticity of her portrayal of widowhood. The other night, I had a dream that Michelle lost her husband in real life (not prophetic). For some reason, I was invited to interview her. She shared that all her acting experience could not match the reality of actually being widowed. At the end of the filming day, when the director declares it’s a wrap, she can abandon that role in a way we can not. I think, however, that if a genuine performance can help people undersand the unique and profound state of widowhood, some good can come of it. That’s what good writing can do. That’s why it is also equally important for those of us that write and produce to create manuscripts and other media based on real-lived experience. I’m pretty sure Taylor Sheridan, creator of The Madison used Sensitivity Readers. I also hope they share some of the profits from this successful series in a meaningful way.

I truly believe most of our friends and family wish us the best as we go forward, but we’re always a reminder of what can happen to anyone on any given day. When I’ve asked some to read my manuscript, I understand this, even if I write in a style that is dog-infused and meant to be light and accessible. I like to think we can be reminders that we can be the masters of our own lives when dealt with unforeseeable events.

I hope I can share my own story in greater detail soon, including the one involving my home sale. It isn’t easy writing a memoir. Like those who feel judged in those online groups, I know that there will always be those who feel if they just do “all the right things” their lives will be protected from factors they can’t control.

I find new purposes each day in living life in this rural area of yet-to-be developed Florida. For me it provides an opportunity to lead a quiet and focused purposeful life. I look forward to the new growth that can be found in this season. Hope you can, too.