The period between September 28th and the 28th of October will forever be a time of reflection and recollection. Even with so many changes and forward movement, I’d not be honest if I said that the memories of past drastic events didnt affect my days. Yes, we do move forward (NOT on), but that specific point in time when our lives changed forever, will always be pivotal.
I thought about this when I saw a recent archived memory post on Facebook. For several days after Rich was admitted to the local ICU, I didn’t share widely that he was facing some serious issues. Only those who needed to know were informed of his situation. There were no posts on any Social Media venue.
Until, the enormity of what was happening and the isolation became too great. Much like when my sister was failing and I was sworn to great secrecy only three years earlier, I upheld Rich’s need for privacy.
Until, I decided to share a carefully crafted post acknowledging everyone’s concern and curiosity as to where Rich had gone and why.
The outpouring and response was immediate and almost overwhelming. I remember fearing Rich’s wrath, although it would be diminished at this point by his condition, at seeing that post.
And see it he did.
At this time he was still able to use his phone with limits. When I arrived at the ICU that day I saw him scrolling away.
“I’m in trouble,” I remarked to the nurse as we stood outside his unit.
I explained what was going on and as if on cue, he turned around, pointed to his phone and let’s just say he gestured!
The nurse and I had a laugh and I went in to take his admonishment.
“Look how many people care,” I said, holding up the phone. “For both of us!”
He did end up thanking me and together we worked on ways he could still reach out to those he wished to, and in his own words, express what he wanted them to know as it was getting more difficult for him to communicate by the day.
That Facebook Post was a release for us both, and from that point on, I felt I was able to share his end of life with others, even though it had not been labeled as that, and hope still abounded despite great odds.
In keeping with his, and my own, wish for privacy, I shared his status updates with great measure. I guess that’s because although I’m a writer, and represent national organizations, I have to be “out there” at times, but, I do value privacy and respect that of others.
I still find it hard at certain times to attend large gatherings, and although I do like to get out and see good friends, I just don’t have the energy and enthusiasm of yore. I find this to be true of many who’ve experienced significant loss(es). They somehow make us more selective of how we spend our time. Sometimes I just feel comfortable in the quiet company of my dogs, and the natural beauty and peaceful surrounding of where I’ve lived now for two years. That is what I call quality time.
I think about this often as I’ve been in the submission for a memoir I wrote covering the period of Rich’s passing to now. Again, it’s always best to share what can be helpful to others going through similar challenges, and of course there’s a lot of credit given to my canine companions that have joined me on the path forward.
I hope to find myself “out there” promoting my book with its Working Title FETCHING HOPE, LOVE AND A DOG. I’m truly hoping to fetch some good news on this project soon, but if I don’t find it in the traditional publishing industry, I’ll find a way to get out their “on my own”.
