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Oh Christmas Tree

Posted on: December 4, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I know it is only December 4th, but I am struggling to catch the holiday spirit this year. I seem to be doing everything holiday related halfway.

Most of the holiday décor is on display, but not the tree. A space has been cleared and the tree skirt has been sitting on the floor for a week. But I cannot bring myself to drag the tree up from the basement. I am not looking forward to hauling it up and getting all the ornaments out. Lingering in the back of my mind is also knowing that whatever we drag out will have to be put away. Not to mention, whichever kid might help me set up will be eerily quiet when it’s time to take it all down.

There are still limbs from a tree cleanup in my front yard. It feels uncouth to setup outdoor Christmas decorations when there is still a visible mess. It’s supposed to be warmer this week, so maybe I’ll find a way to tackle both of those to do’s this week. But maybe not.

Photo by __ drz __ on Unsplash

This is likely the last year I still have a Santa believer in the house. So, we also need to squeeze in a visit to visit the big guy in the red suit. But I’m feeling overwhelmed on how to schedule that in. Even though only one kid actually believes, I want all my boys in that Santa photo. However, with my oldest on the high school swim team he isn’t home from practice until late on weeknights. Our weekends are filled with swim meets and soccer games. In fact, I counted how many soccer games and meets we had between this weekend and Christmas, it was SIXTEEN!

Maybe that’s part of the reason I’m feeling a little grinchy. We are so busy with regular life, it’s hard to find time to add in the extra magic. However, I still have a good twenty-ish days, so we’ll see where I land.

There is one thing that is making me chuckle this season. With the addition of our new cat, Travis, he’s going to need a stocking. The other day it dawned on me that I could use Tony’s stocking for the cat. That idea set me into a fit of giggles because Tony hated cats. Laughing at Tony and Travis sharing a stocking makes my heart grow three sizes.

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.

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