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Nervous Eating

Posted on: October 24, 2024 | Posted by: Gary Ravitz

Every day, I see small yellow and red leaves falling in the hundreds, relentless falling leaves coloring the lawn. The geese are gathering. Were they drawn together by chance to form the V-formations cutting across the Fall sky? Occasionally, I will hear them honking off in the distance.

Robyn was first to spot the small, black, and white woodpecker working the magnolia tree.  If you listened closely, you could briefly hear it tap until the din of the surrounding city swallowed the sound of the tiny bird feeding. I’ve lived here for many years.  I think it’s just a temporary visitor who is using my yard as a waystation, a hard bed and a couple free meals on its way someplace else.

***

Everyone loves this unprecedented lengthy streak of sunny, warm days.  Still, in the back of my mind I fret. Some days, I look up at a blue perfect sky, shake my head, and wonder how soon the inexorable other shoe is going to drop.

Lately, I feel like I’m stuck in mud. There are days when inertia makes it hard for me to keep even the self-imposed deadlines. Everything seems to contribute to a sense that this season is turning faster than usual. It’s a far cry from the days of our youth, isn’t it ? Then, no matter how fast you might wish time would move –to celebrate a birthday,  to end a school year and begin Summer vacation — there was nothing anyone could do to speed up time.

***

Fall was my favorite season when Lee and I still occupied Deer Tick Manor.  The heavily wooded acreage provided an annual festival of color.  During the daylight hours, furtive squirrels –black, brown, and gray– in constant motion, would crinkle the fallen leaves under their tiny feet, giving away their positions.  Resident and passing migrating birds alike filled the air with chirps, quacks, or honks.

Lee enjoyed climbing the ladder onto a lower section of roof and using a broom to sweep leaves and sticks onto the ground for collection.  Lee could have chosen to wait until I approached, then brushed the debris on me as a gag , but she never did. However, I can recall bright and sunny days, when she plopped down with delight upon a huge pile of raked leaves, causing them to scatter and disperse.

After Lee died, I kept the place for a few years but have since parted ways with it.  While I don’t keep in regular contact with our former neighbors, I have memories and photographs.

***

At home, my certainty that the weather will soon change for the worse has me undertaking serious steps now to prepare my garden and yard for the impending “La Niña” winter.  A La Niña pattern emerges when an easterly wind comes off the coast of South America, forcing deep, cool ocean water to the surface and to drift westward. A strong La Niña pattern brings significantly colder and snowier weather to my part of the world.  However, no one can know if this year’s pattern is going to be strong or weak until it gets here.

Tim the gardener came by here yesterday to tidy up and give advice.  We’ve agreed to meet one last time shortly after Thanksgiving to put the place in shape until Spring’s arrival.

***

As I like to say, you can fool yourself, but the pants don’t lie.  I’ve lately put on a few pounds! Robyn observes that I eat too fast.  She calls it nervous eating. Consciously, I don’t feel particularly nervous, however, she has gotten me to thinking. I suddenly realize it’s only thirteen days until Election Day.

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Uncategorized

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary

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