While I write this, I’m currently staying in Southeast Georgia, continuing to clean out my home that is currently listed for sale. I love this spacious sunny space, the Dream Home purchased with my late husband, Rich, back in in 2020.
The continuing process of “Letting Go” is difficult. In some ways, it seems even a little more challenging now then it was in the preliminary stages back in late 2021 when Rich passed. Then, I vowed not to angst about what to do with all “the stuff” we are left to deal with.
I recall not too long ago when Rich and I moved into this sprawling home with not one, but three, garages that seemed to fill up with Rich’s wood carving paraphenalia, my art supplies and so many tools and items needed to maintain the yard, cars and home.
I recall looking around one day and half-jokingly remarking, “You’re going to die and leave me with all of this to deal with, aren’t you?”
Rich responded with his trademark laugh, and I guess he got the last one.
Because jokes on me. I have spent the last three days just trying to navigate the remaining contents of the small garage filled with every kind of memory imagineable of Rich and so many family members who have passed. When I moved out for my previous tenants, it became the place to stash EVERYTHING!
“You can do this,” I tell myself each morning when I stand outside that garage looking in. Then, I repeat to myself, “one corner at a time”. The gravity of throwing out photos, frames and “keep” sakes, because you can no longer think of anyone who’d even care to have them, is immense.
Today, I gathered up Rich’s woodworking material and carving projects and books, and donated them to the local art center. They were thrilled to receive them and told me they’d be truly appreciated by several of their members. It made me happy to know that this donation would be put to good use and I know Rich would be happy to see his unfinished projects come to life.
I’ve boxed up and carted away his beloved Lionel Train collection and his extensive decoy collection containing some valuable signed shore birds and ducks from the Chesapeake Bay and Southern New Jersey region. They will all find the right homes in time.
This clean out process has spanned three years. I think this process is highly personal, to be navigated individually. I donate what I can, sell, or discard as needed. Yesterday, I tossed out so many greeting cards I’d collected over the years, some from the mid-1970s. It was hard, but as they were relinquished, I expressed gratitude for all those who’d sent them, many no longer with us.
I also painfully discarded sympathy cards I’d acquired after the passing of so many close family members. It truly made me feel good to read some of their messages and it made my heart smile to know so many cared.
But…I still could not discard the cards Rich and I recieved on the occasion of our wedding in 1996. When I came across the big yellow envelope filled with those good wishes for a bright future together I told myself that it was time. But, I wound up retrieving them from the trash bin. It just didn’t feel right.
Tomorrow is another day as the saying goes, deciding on what needs to go and what stays; do I really need my autograph book from fifth grade? My report card from First Grade? and so on. The answer is “Yes”!
Do we keep this material to remind us of what was important at one time of our lives long after the moment, afraid that once its gone there will be no meaning to our past achievements? Do we think we are erasing our past and disrespecting the memories of people we loved when we let go of their cards, letters and photos? There won’t be many more of these paper photos as nowaday, everything is digital.
The good news is the furnishings of my Georgia house will find the new home that I’ve dubbed Canal Cottage and some will be relegated to the log home. It’s nice to carry those memories to a new space where more will be made.
No matter what I finally decide to “discard” I know that memory that “stuff” represents will remain with with me always. In cleaning out, and lessening “the load” I’m trying to live lighter, continuing to hold those memories forever in my heart and mind.
Happy Veterans Day Weekend here in the USA. Remember to thank those who sacrifice the safety and comfort of their family and homes every day so they may serve others.
