Two years ago, today, my wife wrote this. I just can’t write anything more…
Since I’m finally feeling vaguely human for the first time in almost a month, I thought I would take the opportunity to say a huge “thank you” to all family, friends, friends of friends and people who barely know me, who have rallied to support us over the last few difficult weeks. Everything happened so quickly and aggressively that I had to accept that chemo, narcotics and goodness knows how many different antibiotics, anti-nausea and anti-anxiety drugs were a necessity to try to gain some control over what seemed like a runaway train.
My super healthy diet, daily yoga, anti-cancer supplements all stopped.
Instead, a realization that I had to do what was necessary right then. Rest, listen, eat whatever perked my almost non-existent appetite and most of all not judge myself.
Now that we finally have a little breathing space, I can regroup—take advantage of some complimentary therapies and look at some of the alternatives that I originally had planned to rely on entirely. The internet is a wonderful resource full of amazing stories of people all over the world who have “cured” their cancer. I truly believe that they have, but now understand that no one thing is going to be the “magic pill” and that the most powerful weapon will be belief. Belief that it can be done, at the least, belief that there is plenty of time to give it a bloody good shot.
Acceptance is liberating and non-judgement even more so. There is a long journey ahead but with the support of my truly amazing family, Jeff, my beautiful girls and mum and dad, it’s much easier to face. Words can’t describe how strong and supportive they are, especially Jeff who has taken on the role of nurse on top of everything else.
His devotion, determination and unending positivity are infectious. So, as we are a month along, I can honestly say we are all closer than ever and so acutely aware of the beauty and grace of each moment. As we said goodbye to two beloved pets this week, we were reminded again how precious and fragile life is, at least physical life.
Spiritually, we live on.
Every cell of us is connected with every other cell in the universe, so as the sun rises and sets and the tide turns, we are reminded of the great circle of life.
My recent yoga teacher training was clearly preparing me for a whole different journey than I expected; and that realization was also profound. Yoga is about so much more than what you do on your mat and everything about the way you choose to live your life off it.
There are just too many people to thank individually, but just know that every good thought, prayer, message of love and support is felt deeply, even across the miles.
Thank you for truly being our army, the journey would be much different without such incredible support.
In just over a month from now, only two weeks after what should have been our 25th wedding anniversary, I will be celebrating her second deathaversary. I am at a loss for words.