Are we truly getting better?

I’m trying to remember what I was looking for when seeking signs that I am doing “better” in the early days of being widowed.  If I remember correctly, I took stock quite often in the beginning.

 

I didn’t lose my keys yesterday.

Only melted down over my bills twice this week.

Left the house to meet a human! Woo-hoo!

 

It’s hard to be objective about the word “better” . . . the best guess from Urban Dictionary is below:

It’s likely that we all have unique descriptions of what “better” looks like in our lives.

 

Just for fun, lets see how their list works for me.

(first…let me get my tongue in my cheek…there. now i’m ready!)

• 1 – greater than half

Am I greater than half of my grief in the early months? Or are we talking about being greater than 1/2 a person?

Meaning unclear.

[Note to self: Contact Urban Dictionary about the definition of the word “better” and also about the misspelling of describe.]

 

• 2 – improved in health or mental attitude

This gets closer. Yes. I believe my health or mental attitude is improving incrementally. However, it’s somewhat random due to something called “Widow Brain.”

Widow Brain: It’s a feeling that you can’t think straight, and with it comes short term memory loss, numbness, lack of ability to process information or instructions, tiredness and lack of focus. It can also leave your temper out of kilter – I snapped at people and got very angry at myself. But be reassured – it’s normal. Our brains are acting to protect us from the trauma.

—Helen Bailey, The Widow Handbook

 

• 3 – more attractive, favorable, or commendable

Okay, I’m just going to say it.

No.

Just no.

Check with me tomorrow and, well, maybe . . .

 

• 4 – more advantageous or effective

Possibly.

Occasionally.

Perhaps.

 

• 5 – improved in accuracy or performance

Performance of what?

Getting out of bed? –yes!

Fixing nutritious meals? –no!

Exercising myself and my dog? –YES! (on most days)

 

For me, being better is intuitive.

I sense I am better.

It is not exactly quantifiable, but I am definitely not worse. Which is encouraging because it gives me hope for incremental healing in the future.

I think, in spite of the Urban Dictionary’s definition, I am better in 2025 than I was in 21, 22, 23, or 24. And with only 15 days into 2025, maybe it needs daily measuring.

The important thing (taking tongue out of cheek now) is that each day gives me choices. If I feel worse, I can reach out for help online, from a neighbor or friend, a church or synagogue, or in our local community.

We are not alone.

We have options.

Let’s keep going through the healing process together.

In the meantime

Let us be kind to ourselves.