I’ve noticed as I get older and experience major life changes, friendships change too. Like all things, they run the gamut on the friendship type. Since losing Tony, I have also lost a handful of friendships I would have said were unbreakable before he died. I have mourned those friendships alongside my husband. But I also have friendships that were strengthened in the aftermath.

One of those people is someone I’ve been friends with since middle school. I just did math, and we’ve been friends for 34 years! Like any long-term relationship, our closeness has ebbed and flowed. We have seen each other through so many different life stages. And when Tony died, she was right here. Picking up the best way she knew how. Later when she went through a divorce, I hope I was there in the same way. Neither of us had experienced what the other person was going through, but we tried to be there for each other.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a friend is to just show up.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my frustration trying to get repairs on my house. This friend is the first person I messaged about it. She knew everyone involved and I knew she’d be a solid sounding board. We messaged back and forth a few times and I was feeling better.

Then 20 minutes later, she walks into my house and said, “I didn’t know what you needed so I brought it all.” Her arms were laden with goodies. She brought wine, Surfside lemonades, a THC drink, and iced coffee.

I opted for the coffee and a hug. Then we sat on the couch and just talked. I complained a little more about the repair situation. Later, we moved onto other topics, and I had a chance to check in on her life too.

It was a reminder that this is how you show up for your friends. We haven’t always walked their path, but we can still make space for each other. Sometimes, all we need to do is stop and have a check in from the couch.