Widow's Voice

Anatomy of a Four Letter Word

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. . . FEAR

I rather envy those who don’t seem to have a lot of fears. Even if it is “not noticing” or “tuning it out” it is a skill that might be helpful at times for someone like me. I notice everything and kind of suck at tuning things out.

As a young child, fear was a constant. Fear of the dark. Fear of new people. Fear of not doing the right thing, the correct thing, the smart thing. Fear of being ridiculed.

Widowhood brought a plethora of new fears.

Fear of living alone for the first time.

Fear of the unknown future.

Fear of financial stability.

What if fear is helping me to build courage?

Courage doesn’t happen in the absence of fear. It happens because of fear. Courage is refusing to let fear win. Courage is reclaiming one’s life in the midst of the rubble that loss leaves behind. Courage is saying “yes” to life even if one’s heart is pounding.
                                                                                                     Pat Schwiebert, R.N.
Courage from fear—in the last six months I’m on the watch for fear. When asleep to fear, I feel “off” or “frantic” until looking more deeply where I find fear moving in once again.
I’m noticing that when I name my feeling, I move through it in less time. When frozen (without a good read on my feelings) a ten-minute meditation (or nap) keeps me from sliding into overwhelm.

I am my own scientific experiment: figuring fear.

 

Awakening to its presence.

I’ve noticed a “five letter word” often precedes fear: FUTURE.

If my mind moves out of the present moment toward future, fear (often) meets me there.

I ask myself, “Is future written?”

I reply to myself, “No. It is not.”

                       “How am I right now?

                      What do I need?”

Thich Nhat Hanh’s words sum it up so well:

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously…” –Thich Nhat Hanh

 

The longer I live, the more I believe that our best efforts are enough.

Keep going…

person climbing stairs
Image by Bruno Nascimento via unsplash.com

 

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO