… since this is the second time I’ve lost my husband?

I actually hadn’t thought about giving myself that label until someone suggested it. But Jim died just 9 weeks ago – so, of course, I am newly widowed.

Since I went through all of this 15 years ago, perhaps I’m better prepared this time.  At least that’s what my husband’s family seems to think. Yes, they’ve actually said “You’ll be fine. You’ve done this before.” And then disappeared from my life. Being the second wife sure isn’t easy.

You see them every day.

They wear the bravest face.

They’ve lost something they love.

They are the grieving ones.

Steven Kalas

My heart doesn’t feel better prepared, but, yes, I do know I will survive this again. But it does feel different. Perhaps it’s because I’m 15 years older now. My life IS different. It WAS different even when Jim was still here with me.

So what did I do 15 years ago to try to find my way through this that I can do again now?

I started journaling and writing a blog. I found it very helpful to write out my feelings and fears. And I do like being able to go back and read parts of it from time to time. My journal is for those things I don’t want to share publicly. Sometimes they are a bit scary and I don’t want anyone to be concerned. It just feels good to get them out of my head and do my best to move on. Writing in my blog helped immensely and I had been thinking I needed to find a place to begin writing again. And then I received the offer to be the Tuesday Widow’s Voice writer.

During that first year I found Widowed Village and some other online widow groups and spent my evenings online. I also attended my first Camp Widow. Surrounding myself with others who were going through this huge loss provided me with a much-needed community that held me up and allowed me the opportunity to help hold them up, too. It made such an incredible difference. So I’m participating in the Soaring Spirits Newly Widowed Tuesday Zoom sessions and I’ve joined some Facebook groups for widows/women of my age.

I began writing down three things each night that I was grateful for. That sounds rather simplistic, but it definitely helped me to reach for the positive. I recall the first few days were hard … I changed the sheets. I heard a bird chirping … but it helped me to look for some good things every day. I am once again keeping a little notepad by my bedside so I can record the things I am grateful for each day.

So here I am now. I’ll admit I’ve done way too much binge watching tv shows as an escape. But I’ve been surprised at how some of those shows – even comedies! – have brought me to tears. Big ugly tears. Guess they provide some kind of release for me, so perhaps it’s not a complete waste of time.

Taking some steps forward. One day at a time.