Winn-ie, the tiny puppy I “acquired” during a shopping trip to Winn Dixie has proven to be a smart, sweet and rough and tumble little cutie. She and my big dog, Jackson, continue to forge an adorable bond and our other two older dogs have learned to tolerate the antics of this energetic pup.
Recently, I went through a few days not feeling quite right. I was lethargic and took a series of long naps for days. I realize that taking on the care of a very young puppy does require some adjustments and late night, or early morning, visits to the backyard can take their toll, but this was just plain weariness.
Beyond taking on that pup, I realize in the 3 and a half years since Rich’s passing I’ve been in constant motion and have made some major lifestyle changes. Moving, buying homes, taking responsibility as an executrix after the loss of my parents within 10 months of each other, the loss of my oldest nephew at age 39, a new relationship and guardianship of four dogs, for starters.
So, when I was feeling “off” recently, I just allowed myself to sleep as much as needed. Recently, the posts and comments on many widowed sites has been focused on taking care of one’s physical health, which in essence also encompasses emotional wellness. In the early days after Rich’s passing, my physician pointed out with concern that I’d lost 20 lbs without even realizing it. Some might say that is a good “problem”, and while it wasn’t harmful, it made me realize that I needed to pay more attention to other things affecting that situation.
One of the most useful things others did for me during those early days was to drop off meals. And while it was apparent that I wasn’t always consuming them all, sometimes that is what a grieving person needs. Many widowed lose their desire to eat having no appetite, but when hunger does eventually occur, it can be very hard to make good choices, or find the energy to make a meal. I was thankful for those gifts brought by friends and neighbors.
The other thing that goes by the wayside for those experiencing deep grief is exercise, or just simple movement, yet it’s so important to find a way to move even when all you want to do is stay in bed during those first weeks, months or even longer. Taking a short walk, stretching or finding an exercise program on you computer, or tv, can help you feel better and is a small, but important step in recovery.
Everyone can find a way to make themselves stronger in the face of profound loss. I never stopped adding movement to my day. Adopting my dog Quint just weeks after losing Rich was helpful as it got me out of my home and out walking.
If the weather is inclement there is a myriad of videos on your computer from five minutes in length to over an hour, for all levels of fitness including yoga, pilates and aerobic workouts. I like to put my laptop on my bed and do a workout that matches my energy at the moment. Having someone to follow in an allotted amount of time is helpful (and you can leave at any time). The trick is not to be excessive and to avoid injury. You are looking for gentle, continual results in achieving heart health and muscle retention. I like to use lighter weights and increase repetition, for example.
And of course reducing consumption of sugar and alcohol are important, and yet things like sweets and wine are just what most want to reach for, I know. But, in cutting back on these things that may make you feel good in the moment, you are making yourself stronger for the long run. I’m a fan of, “everything in moderation.”
Remember that when the widowed fog begins to lift, your physical well-being will best serve you as you make the adjustments to your new life circumstances. By taking care of yourself, you are declaring that you are important as an individual, that you will survive and come out permanently changed, but not down for the count. Do your best with what you have in the moment; all situations shift with time.
Keep physically fit in the game, that way when people so casually laud you for being “so strong” you can flex your arm muscle and show them just how strong you truly are. May the uplifting spirit of the season help you through.
