My mood lately has been one of reflection and this is not because it is the new year; rather, that is just where I am at in my life. For me, the new year quietly ushered itself in. It is the first New Year’s since he died that I have not made any profound declarations. The year just sort of ended. One year fell into the next without any big fanfare on my part. I didn’t declare any intentions and I am content with this. This coming year is not about what I intend, rather it is about what will be.
As the new year began, I didn’t have any desire to map out my life by creating an elaborate blueprint for the next twelve months. I did not make any promises to live up to. I did not announce any aspirations. I just didn’t feel the need to make myself accountable to some idealistic goal I publicly or privately proclaimed. Right now, I am not interested in setting intentions. Instead, I just want to LIVE. And, by living, I will obtain some benchmarks by osmosis. By engaging in life, I will grow organically despite anything I consciously do or don’t do.
I want to live passionately. I want to live authentically and I want to live in the moment. And, all of this will be hard for me because I have a tendency to overthink everything. When Mike died, I defaulted to this practice of obsessively thinking about every decision I made because without him, my life was difficult and it felt so heavy. So, in an effort to relieve some pressure, I returned to my baseline thought processes because, although not productive, they were comfortable. To overthink was an easy habit for me to return to. And, lately, I want to shed my tendency to live life in such a measured way. I want to follow my heart and my intuition. I want to let things unfold rather than try to control the outcome of my life. If Mike’s death taught me anything it is that life is not certain.
I plan to live forward in 2021 thinking less.
I want to just simply be in the moment and allow my life to unfold as it is meant to.
Also, I am working fiercely to own my worth. I recognize that Self Love is where the power is. For me to launch myself more fully into the life I desire, I need to absolutely love the woman I am becoming. So, today, and tomorrow and all the days of my life I am going to practice letting my life unfold without getting in my own way.