Earlier this week I was greeted by a Facebook post from five years ago. It was written late at night after Rich had spent several days in the hospital and I’d been trying to keep that quiet. But, with someone as outgoing and boisterous as my late husband, that was hard to do. Neighbors started to notice his absence. I was getting weary of pretending all was well.
In essence, the Post informed everyone that Rich had been in the hospital for a week and was very ill and to share encouraging messages for him. I’d been spending a lot of time alone, only communicating with family and close friends. The isolation had become too much to bear. At that point I was also beginning to think that if he didn’t survive, I’d feel bad that I hadn’t been truthful with those that mattered.
Within moments of hitting “Post”, my concerning message received an overwhelming amount of continual responses and DMs filled my in-box. I knew Rich might see all of this and he’d be mad, but I had to make some decisions and that was one of them; to rally support for both of us during a harrowing time of uncertainty. He did see those posts and although at first angry, I could see some of the comments brought a much-needed smile to his gaunt and tired face. I think that he knew that I needed that support as well. As the Universe would have it, I’d just edited a chapter of my memoir draft that detailed this state of my pre-widowhood when I caught sight of that Post.
Writing it forward has brought focus and purpose to my life during the past several years. When I set out to record the events leading up to and beyond Rich’s passing, I wanted to take my time. At the earliest stage of my drafting, I realized that my timelines were confused. My brain wasn’t able to see events in a chronicle order. I’m still missing a year! I apologize to my confused early beta readers, but with each round, and time, I’ve been a better recaller of events and we are making progress.
When I arrived in this rural region of Old Florida three years ago, writing opened paths for me here. When I met the owner of the local animal shelter, she invited me to be on her board and to help with communications. Although I’m no longer a board member, I still find myself active in the rescue community here in my capacity as a disseminator of information. As I edit this I’m responding to texts from my animal advocate colleagues about recent events.
This is a region that has many issues with feral cats, dogs that have been “dumped”, chronic strays, and dangerous dogs in addition to animals living in deplorable conditions and often mistreated. Last week, the Board of County Commissioners of Putnam (FL) voted to move forward with code enforcement with a list of fines. It’s a small step and I hope it will help the situation. There are many good people that are really trying to improve the quality and safety of humans and animals here. I do speak up at these meetings, but I don’t know if it makes a difference. There is so much apathy and people struggling in this area, and the animals suffer, too. I can only keep up the good fight one small step at a time and enjoy the beautiful soothing landscape of Old Florida in my current location.
Recently, I took the the Myers-Briggs personality type quiz and learned that I’m an INJF, the Advocate. Historically, Advocates are regarded as the rarest of all the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types found in only 1-2 percent of the general population. Possessing deep emotional empathy Advocates use “rigorous long-term strategies” to help the causes to which they commit. I like that! Take the test and tell me your type.
It was interesting to learn about this as a way to understand how I cope with the challenges I’ve faced. I believe we should use all tools to help us understand how we get by in this world.
Speaking of writing, If you like to read, and also love dogs, the Dog Writers Association of America is looking for people to judge entries in our annual competition. I know reading can be challenging for some widowed, but if interested please either comment below or reach out to me [email protected] and I’ll provide a contact.
Do what you can with the “tools” and energy you have at the moment. Thanks for reading and carry on.
