In my family, December is dying time. Mom passed away in December a few months before Lee and I married. I still can see my father crying softly during our wedding ceremony, sitting by himself, his wife of more than fifty years gone from his side. Thirteen years later, on a Sunday in December, Dad, then ninety-six years old, fell inside the tidy, small apartment where my sister and I had relocated him for his safety. A brief hospitalization and quick death ushered in the New Year. Most recently, it was my sister, who by late December had seemed so tired of living that she died.
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Words, music, and Images constantly bombard us at this time of year with messages that the season is about family togetherness. Yet, how is this message received by those of us who have lost family? Whether one’s separation from family is due to circumstances beyond one’s control or is simply a matter of choice, the aphorism “happy holidays” rings hollow for some.
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I am not prone to bouts of depression. However, there are places where depression associated with the increasing cold and darkness of the approaching winter is a real thing that complicates holiday peril for those of us who have lost a loved one.
Fortunately, there is no shortage of free advice available to anyone trying to muddle through this difficult time of year.
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One piece of advice urges you should leave your house and participate in holiday gatherings. Of course, the recommendation assumes you have places to go, people to see, and things to do.
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In fact, I am still busy scheduling events through the end of the year –luncheons and dinners with friends; attending my law firm’s annual office party, despite the fact I am not working regularly these days; taking short road trips to visit friends I haven’t seen lately. At the end of the month, Robyn will throw her annual family holiday party, and, as a de facto family member, I plan to attend this affair. We’ve been invited by Peter and Cyndi to attend Lights at the Zoo, a traditional event for them but a first for us Finally, weather permitting, Robyn and I plan to travel to Ohio to bring in a New Year with my friends, Bob and Linda.
Among other end-of-year activities, I’ve organized a dinner with my two nephews and their father, which I envision as a combination celebration/remembrance of our dead. We’ll raise a glass or two, tell our stories, and revisit shared memories.
Thus, if all goes according to plan, I will not have time to feel isolated or lonely.
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On a quieter note, however, I privately plan to honor my mom, dad, and sister by lighting a candle in their memory. A cemetery visit seems to be out of the question while current temperatures hover in the single digits.
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Some experts advise talking, writing, or using social media to post such remembrances of their departed. Today’s post will have to suffice, I suppose.
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Yet, December is not all doom and gloom. On a happier note, today is my Dad’s birthday. He would be 104 years old! Happy birthday, Dad.
