Well, actually the first day of 2026 found me waking up at 6am in my brother’s home in Tennessee. So I wasn’t alone at the very start of this new year – instead I was ending a lovely time with my family before heading to the Knoxville airport and my return to the desert.
I was ready to get back to my sweet Sheila and to the home that Jim and I shared for the past seven years. I love the peace and quiet I feel there – and the memories of my time with Jim.
However, that peace and quiet had to be sidelined as it would be a full 24 hours before I was finally back in my house. Multiple departure delays, a diversion from Las Vegas to Los Angeles 30 minutes before landing due to a ground stop in Vegas because of fog, and a long hold at LAX to allow people whose flights were cancelled to fill up our plane. That experience makes me put any ideas of further airline travel on the backburner for a while.
While the first day of this year was filled with hundreds of people at the Knoxville, Atlanta, Los Angeles and Las Vegas airports, day two of this month puts me back on that ‘alone’ road.
So I decided to take a look at my old blog to refresh my memory of those days when the new year arrived after Vern died. Were my feelings and experiences different than what I’m feeling now? Yes. But also no.
The pain of missing them is the same. The flood of memories and feelings and tears that arise from music or even a tv show are the same. I had a fear of the unknowns back then since I had never lived on my own before – but since I did live alone for eight years after Vern died I know I can do that again. I don’t want to imply that it’s easy this time since I’ve done it before, because it certainly is not easy (and I was offended when someone actually made that comment to me just a day after Jim died) – but I do have to admit that reading those posts and knowing I was able to survive the death of my first love does give me some confidence and strength that I’ll be able to handle all that life is sending my way after losing my second love.
Back then I began searching for my ‘tribe’ … others who had lost their person. I tried to join a young widows Facebook group, but was denied because I was too old at 59 (55 was their cut off age). But that upsetting experience led to me being asked to participate in the beta testing of a brand new website for widows. And that’s where I found my people. We had a 24/7 chat room filled with widowed people in their 20s through 70s … age didn’t matter there … and it was magnificent. I credit that site for saving me during that especially hard time. I was able to meet some of these lovely people in person at Camp Widow events and still have many who are Facebook friends. I attended the weddings of three of them – one in Florida, one in Las Vegas and one in California, met up with one from Canada at Disneyland and another one helped me with the first retreat I held.
Sadly, that particular site is no longer active; however, there are still so very many opportunities to make those kind of connections with other widowed people. The Soaring Spirits International website that hosts these Widow’s Voice Blogs provides many options to support the widowed community. Join the Newly Widowed weekly Zooms. Sign up for a Widowed Pen Pal. See if there is a regional group in your area. Check out the Camp Widow events. I encourage you to seek out all of the available opportunities to interact with other widowed people and find those that speak best to you. Learning you are not alone can change your life. It did mine.
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
– Khalil Gibran
