I came across an instagram post that talked about why a PET might be the only thing that pulls you forward after a devastating loss (when nothing and nobody else can reach you). It was an amazing post (I will try to figure out how to link it…) and it ends with the statement, “Pets don’t fix grief. They just sit beside it until you’re strong enough to stand again.” 

I have said so many times, that during my first year of grief, the only things I made sure I managed, was pay my mortgage and feed our two dogs. And honestly, there were more than a few times when I had to call my neighbor, and ask her to feed the doggos for me, because I was already at work and had forgotten to give them breakfast. 

Lynn had adopted Bailey shortly after we had started dating, so he was literally in our lives from the beginning and during the entire (in-person) relationship. About 10 months before she passed, we adopted his little brother, Bode, who was already 4 years old when he joined the family. I remember when Lynn passed feeling annoyed, and almost resentful, that we had adopted Bode and now Lynn was gone. I felt like, “I did not agree to being a solo dog Mom – much less to a second dog!” Everything in life felt like such a burden, I was not able to recognize at first the immense comfort and love they would give me for the next 10 years. 

Bailey and I always had a step-mother / step-son relationship. Lynn was most definitely his person, and she took him to work with her for years. After her passing, I think we would look at each other in confusion, as we had never been together without Lynn. Walking him around the block felt weird without Lynn. Also, thank goodness he needed his walks, as it was the only thing in the early months, that got me to get some fresh air an exercise. I turned down social invitations, but some friends knew that they could get me to visit for a little bit if they suggested we take Bailey for a walk. Over time, Bailey and my relationship evolved and deepened, and I was so appreciative for his presence, as he was the only 24/7 witness to Lynn and my relationship, and was in fact, a big part of our dynamic. We were a family of three for so long, and her absence made us learn how to create a new dynamic. 

Bode was my little baby boy. Though we adopted him do Bailey could have a little brother, he was the dog that I got to pick and have for myself. He had been born into a terrible hoarding / breeding situation, and the first 4 years of his life were pretty traumatic. As a result, he had severe anxiety, and I learned how to support his needs, be patient with his quirks, and Bailey taught him “how to be a dog” in a lot of ways. He was such a sweetheart, and I am more grateful each day that I had him.

In 2020, I threw Bailey his 14th bday party, with neighbors visiting and he had steak for dinner. A few days later, a very nice veterinarian visited our home to put him to sleep. (This appt had been scheduled for over a week.) Honestly, the feeling of excitement I had for he and Lynn to be reunited was stronger than my sadness at losing him. I often said, I felt like he suffered a different, and maybe in some ways, greater loss than I did. He loved Lynn so much, and I am so grateful he stayed with me, took care of me, and hung around on Earth for 6 years without his person with him. 

Also, I was not as sad as one would expect, because I had my Bode. I talked to him CONSTANTLY. Every thought I had I shared with him. He knew all my strange quirks, and forgave them for me. He and Bailey bore witness to the reallllly hard moments – the pounding my fists on the floor moments. In May 2024, almost a year after my Mom passed, a super sweet Veterinarian visited my home and put him to sleep. I dare say, he was the most important support I had that first year after my Mom passed. And again, he – and only he, witnessed my really hard moments. Bode’s absence STILL shocks me. I still talk to him a lot, and I still learn every day how much he helped me in the 9.5 years after Lynn passed. I still apologize to him and Bailey for not being a better dog Mom and not being as present during the bad times. Both he and Bailey definitely helped me keep breathing and even get out of bed in that first year. 

I came across an instagram post that talked about why a PET might be the only thing that pulls you forward after a devastating loss (when nothing and nobody else can reach you). It was an amazing post (I will try to figure out how to link it…) and it ends with the statement, “Pets don’t fix grief. They just sit beside it until you’re strong enough to stand again.”

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DU_S2PJDVS8/?img_index=1