Musical Tuesday for me. I went to the Indigo Girls concert this weekend. I loved them in college and it was such fun to see them so many years later. My sister-in-law Leslie and I went and were not disappointed. It was a fantastic show. They closed it out with one of my favorite songs “Closer to Fine”.

I’m trying to tell you something about my life

Maybe give me insight between black and white

The best thing you’ve ever done for me

Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all.

Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable

and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear

I wrap my fear around me like a blanket

I sailed my ship of safety til I sank it, I’m crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain

There’s more than one answer to these questions

pointing me in a crooked line.

The less I seek my source for some definitive

The closer I am to fine.

I went to see a doctor of philosophy

With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee

He never did marry or see a B-grade movie

He graded my performance he said he could see through me

I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper

and I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children I drank from the fountain

There’s more than one answer to these questions,

pointing me in a crooked line

and the less I seek my source for some definitive

The closer I am to fine.

 

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.

To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend

I woke up with headache like my head against a board

Twice as cloudy as I’d been the night before

and I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain

There’s more than one answer to these questions,

pointing me in a crooked line.

And the less I seek my source for some definitive,

the closer I am to fine.

The closer I am to fine.

This song has a different meaning for me now than it did 20 years ago. Sometimes there is a peacefulness in deciding not to question what has happened. It doesn’t work for me on a daily basis, but sometimes just accepting for a moment or two can be a relief. I will never be able to say or hear the words “it was part of God’s plan” without cringing, but if I can rest for even a moment in that concept, there is a measure of peace there. I don’t like the plan, but I wasn’t asked to.