Since July, I have attended four different concerts headlined by amazing women. I had the privilege of seeing Taylor Swift, The Chicks, Beyonce, and finally, Pink. Each concert was unique and the feelings I took away from each of concert was just as different. However, the Pink Trustfall show this weekend is my standout.
Photo by BRUNO CERVERA on Unsplash
I think there are several reasons why she resonates with me. We are the same age, and we have both experienced marriage and motherhood. I would classify us both as emotionally strong women who are not afraid to share their feelings with the public, although her audience is a smidge larger than this blog site. All around, I love her message and I respect her as a role model.
While I know her songs aren’t about a losing a husband, or suicide, I still find so many of my feelings reflected in her words.
Her 2017 song, “What About Us”, was written in response to the politics at the time. However, the chorus reminds me of how my marriage ended with Tony’s suicide and the questions I am left with in the wake of his death.
“What about us?
What about all the broken happy ever afters?
What about us?
What about all the plans that ended in disaster?
What about love? What about trust?
What about us?”
While she performed this song, I sang my heart out to no one, because no one can answer these questions for me.
The most emotional song for me is “When I Get There.” It was written by Amy Wadge and David Hodges but came to Pink when her father was ill, and she was able to perform it for him before he passed. She released it on February 14, 2023. I tear up every time I hear it, but to hear it live was a gift. My friend hugged me close and held my hand through the whole song. Each lyric hits home and reminds me so much of my grief and wonderment at where Tony is now. Here are some of my stand outs:
“You were always first in line
So why would it be different for heaven”
Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
“Is there a bar up there
Where you’ve got a favorite chair
Where you sit with friends
And talk about the weather?
Is there a place you go
To watch the sunset and oh
Is there a song you just can’t wait to share?
Yeah I know you’ll tell me when I get there”
“Yeah I’ll make some mistakes and you’ll watch me as I live them
Til I’m through, ’til I’m with you.”
I know, I basically just posted the whole song here, but it’s on point. If you haven’t heard it, I recommend a listen if you need a good cry.
One of her final songs was, “Never Gonna Not Dance Again.” For me, this song is an anthem to keep going and finding joy in life. Tony’s death threw me biggest curveball I never saw coming. It has changed the trajectory of my life and our children’s lives. We are going to grieve and be sad when we need to be. For the rest of our lives, we are going to miss Tony every day. However, his death doesn’t define our ability to find happiness in life. So, when I can, I’m going to follow the song and remember:
“We’re never getting younger,
So, I’m gonna have some fun.
‘Cause, oh, one thing I’m never gonna do,
Is throw away my dancin’ shoes.”
You know it’s a good concert when you laugh, sing, dance, and cry. I’m thankful to Pink for sharing her voice and putting on an incredible show.
Photo by Alfonso Scarpa on Unsplash
About Emily Vielhauer
My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 44 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 9 and 14. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.
April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.
My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.