Widow's Voice

Balance

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A photo of balanced rocks with the ocean in the background

There are times when being someone who is very empathic is tough. Over the years, I’ve learned ways to kind of shield myself and my energy if need be, but when there is so much awful in the world happening at one time, it’s difficult.

I felt this way during the start of the pandemic too. At home, Mario’s health was declining fast and at the same time, all over the world, people were getting sick and succumbing to a novel virus. It was overwhelming on an emotional and energetic level. It was imbalance in almost every sense and I had to learn some new coping mechanisms.

Through everything that the last 3 years have contained, I’ve had to reevaluate and change my perspective on some things. One of the more controversial perspectives I’ve adopted is that I believe you have to have an appreciation of death to truly appreciate life. Death is something we all have to experience. Every living thing has an expiration date. Life and death is a dance of balance as much as good and bad or dark and light.

Human lifespans average around 73.16 years. There are no guarantees and a million variables that come in to play to determine how many years we individually get. Such a short time in the grand scale of things and yet hours, days, months, years and even decades can go by with so many people just kind of auto-piloting through life. At times, I’m as guilty of it as anyone. Sometimes that IS the shielding or defense mechanism. I know those who have experienced loss of a spouse are all too familiar with this.

Placing worry in those mundane, every-day and small things keep our brains from going too far down certain pathways. We struggle to restore some kind of balance and climb back up from merely existing and going through the motions to truly living.

So with my appreciation that death is a part of life and something that balances us all, no matter what other differences we may have, I have gained a more healthy appreciation of life. For me, that means taking time every day to appreciate those small things that make living special. It means being present for others in my life (including pets), being in touch with my senses, observing tiny wonders and what I like to call, the magic of everyday life. It’s those things you might miss when you’re closed down due to overwhelm or coasting through on auto-pilot.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.