I was not really sure if this would ever happen, or when it might happen, or if it was even possible to happen. But, I think I have a boyfriend. Or, would I say another boyfriend? Or an alive boyfriend? And, if I do have a boyfriend then what does that make you? You’re not my ex-boyfriend or my ex-partner. Maybe you’re my dead boyfriend or my late partner. Does that sound ok? Maybe you’re my partner, and he’s my boyfriend. That sounds kind of silly? Maybe I just have two boyfriends?
Sometimes my brain gets kind of confused and muddled about this new part of my life and the way it touches the old. He tuned your guitar, and he hangs out with Kitty Cat. Sometimes when we are in the car listening to music he says he likes the songs you used to like. And, he rarely likes “my” songs. He scanned my bookshelf and picked out two books he thought were interesting…both yours. He loves to sleep and to play video games, and he hates authority and schedules…sound familiar? Needless to say, I guess if having two boyfriends makes a “type”, I guess I know mine…nerdy guys with ADHD who love animals and food.
I wonder what you’d think of him a lot. I wonder what it would be like if you met him. I talk about you to him all the time, and he thinks you were really cool…and he is right. But then my brain gets a little fuzzy again…how is it even possible that my alive boyfriend is not you? Even after almost 5 years, it feels surreal. What a weird life I am living.
I guess I just want you to know that I like him, and that he is kind and funny and smart. I don’t know what might happen next, and I am still feeling really scared about it. And my brain is probably going to have a hard time with it for a while…but I thought I should tell you that I have two boyfriends now. I hope you know that it doesn’t change anything between you and me.
And, I miss you and I love you forever.