Sometimes I get tired of playing the guessing game. 

The guessing game of what really happens after we die. 

Knowing there is never an answer to the thousands of questions I have,

and the only way to actually know for sure, 

is to die myself. 

And even then, there is no guarantee I will know what happens after death,

because if the answer is “nothing happens”, then I wont be aware

of anything happening or not happening. I will just be nothing. Gone. Void. 

There are days when I exhaust myself in search of answers to questions that have no answer.

Does he really know what Im doing with my life? Is he really proud, or do people just tell me that to make me feel good?

Can dead people be proud? 

Does his energy have life? Does it feel things? Does his soul miss mine? Does his heart know that I found great love again,

and that I will still always, always miss him? 

Does he know that Donald Trump is President? Does he believe it? I want to hear him cackle and laugh over that one. 

WHat is he aware of, if anything? If he is just matter or particles floating around in the universe,

do they have a personality? Or do they just float?

I want to know for sure,

that when I see Penske trucks or hear the perfect song at the perfect time, or literally FEEL him near me and my skin gets chills,

that its really, actually him. 

I want to know what is real. 

He told me in a dream visit once, “If it feels real, than its real.” 

I suppose thats all that matters, really. 

How it makes me feel. 

I feel him in the universe.

I feel him closest when I live my life and love forward. 

I feel his presence as a light, a mentor, a spirit guide. 

I feel that our connection can never be broken. 

Not by time, 

or energy, 

or death. 

 

We are a chain,

and the link goes on forever.

But its still not enough.

I still want proof. 

Im tired of this guessing game. 

Give me facts.

Tell me you are real,

and that youre never really 

Gone.