So its Fathers Day today. Always an emotional and complicated day. Over the years, this day has been one that I have carried with many mixed emotions. The sudden death of my husband Don, of course, comes to mind first. He was only 46 yrs old when he died, he always wanted to be a dad, he did not get that opportunity, and that will always be tragic and endlessly sad to me. He would have NO DOUBT been an absolutely amazing dad. His own father barely gave him the time of day, and they would talk about once a year, on this day, when Don would call him and they would have a short and superficial conversation where his dad would be itching to get off the phone. It made my heart hurt watching my sweet husband just trying to get crumbs of affection or love from his father. He never got it. His father died one week before our wedding, at age 86, from a heart attack, and then Don died 4 years later, at age 46, from a heart attack. His fathers lifelong heart issues would have been nice to know about or have a heads up about, because had Don known his family history, maybe he would be alive today. His dad never bothered to tell him, and so he had no symptoms of anything, and had no idea he was a walking time-bomb that would collapse in a Petsmart while taking care of cats and dogs. Most days I do not think about this any longer or hold anger about it, but on Fathers Day, its tough not to, and so I carry it with me and I remember and it hurts.
My husband Nick also had a complicated relationship with his dad, and he died years ago from a heart attack as well. On the plus side, Nick and his son have reunited recently after a bit of a falling out years ago, and it is so incredible witnessing them being in each others lives and spending time together.
My own dad is the best dad around, and he is here. We actually just returned today from spending the weekend with my parents on Cape Cod, at their new condo. It was so lovely to be with them and to see their new surroundings, and how well they are being taken care of in this over 55 condo community they are in now. They are thriving there, and even though they are aging and sometimes this is tough to witness and see, they are doing well and they seem happy and I am going to focus on THAT this year, because so many of my friends in this world do not have their dad or mom here anymore, and I am beyond thankful that I still have my parents here with me on this strangest and most beautiful of planets.
May you be able to find some joy and love in your Fathers Day this year, and may your sadness also remind you of how much love you have collected and will continue to carry forward into your tomorrows.
Happy Fathers Day, friends.
