So yesterday was Thanksgiving.
The holiday this year , for most of us, is already forever changed because of our losses. In my case, Thanksgiving was my late husband Don’s very favorite holiday. He used to say “apple pie, things with gravy, and football – whats not to love?” He also loved that you didnt have to worry about buying anyone presents on this holiday – Ha!
(Don and me on Thanksgiving, 2008)
But this year, we have the added element of the corona virus, some people being quarantined, limited travel, and cases soaring across the nation here in the United States. Because my parents both got covid back in June, our family is always extra careful and we follow all CDC guidelines. So, this year, it was a tiny gathering of the people we already see in person regularly anyway; my parents, and my brother. Nick and I moved to our apartment in March of this year, so we requested to host Thanksgiving this year and take the responsibility off my mom, who has been doing it for decades. She was so happy to be a guest at our table, and to go home with leftovers instead of having to cook. It was a strange holiday, but a good one. We opened all our windows and the door out to our front porch for better circulation, wore masks when close together or not eating , and spread out the food / appetizers / chairs in different areas and rooms to encourage social distancing. There were only 5 of us in total, so it felt very safe.
As always, I missed Don like crazy on his favorite holiday. I always will. But we had a good day, and I was and am so thankful that my parents were okay back in June when they got covid and were hospitalized and really had a rough go of it. They could have died. So many have. Im so thankful they are still here. They both said yesterday around our Thanksgiving table that they are thankful for “life” this year, and for their amazing children who helped them through that time. It was awesome spending some time with my brother, who is a divorced dad with a demanding job and doesnt have much time for himself or to just hang out together. It was also so much fun and meaningful for me to host our very first Thanksgiving and holiday together, me and Nick. We worked well as a team to prepare our home for the holiday, and to cook and clean and do everything else that we did, including eating yummy leftovers this morning that tasted extra delicious and well earned.
Above, Nick, my brother, my dad and mom
Below: me, having a quiet moment in our sports den
The holildays are hard, still. The death of my person sits inside me always. It makes me randomly sad , sometimes out of nowhere or during moments where I should be extremely happy. After my parents and brother left last night, and I was doing the dishes from the day , I got incredibly sad all of a sudden. I started missing Don, and missing my Nana, and missing normal, non-covid life where we could see each other and have more than 3 people over at once and HUG each other and everything else that we took for granted. I let the sadness sit there and have its time. It lasted about an hour or two, just that sad and lonely feeling that comes on. After some time, it faded away, or went back inside my heart, preparing itself for its next appearance. The people we love who have died stay with us in so many ways. I have learned over the years not to be fearful of the sadness. It is just evidence that their love remains – evidence of the power of that love.
I hope wherever you are in your sadness, that you were able to feel some joy, and that you had a Happy and safe Thanksgiving.
