This week when NASA released those new images of space, I immediately thought of Boris. I know that he would be intrigued and excited, but also he would have some sort of special insight…like, he already knew the images were going to be released because of some Reddit thread or he would know some obscure information about the telescope or something. That was just the way Boris was–always in the know and always fascinated by things. Especially science things. Pretty much every news story since Boris died has made me say, “damn, I wish I could talk about this with Boris”, but some are bigger gut punches than others. This one was a very Boris news event.
But, looking at these images that keep popping up in my social media feed and in the news, I am also thinking of him in a bit more existential way. Like, hey, is Boris in one of those galaxies now? Is he in one of those colors? Life has felt so stressful and chaotic recently that I haven’t thought as much about Boris in this way. I still think of him every day, in the mundane everyday situations that remind me of him or something reminds me that he is no longer here and I miss him…but, I haven’t thought of his being or his energy lately. And looking at these stars helped me reconnect with my beliefs or thoughts about where he is. Sometimes it is too big and too scary to think about, which is why I think I avoid it…it makes my brain hurt. I feel like I do not have time to even think about it because it is too big to grasp. But, this week I am reminded to get back in touch with the spirituality of grief…the Afterlife, I guess. I think I needed that reminder…if that makes sense.
Boris, I don’t know if you are in one of those galaxies now…maybe you are right here next to me thinking I have really gone crazy. But, imagining where you are sometimes helps me connect to you more in the present rather than just to your memory. Wherever you are, I hope you know how much I still miss you and wish you were here in this dimension so you could explain all this space stuff to me. I love you.