Widow's Voice

Pushing Comfort Zones

| Posted by:

abstract, colorful sculpture

Last night I spoke in front of an audience of 50+ people. Public speaking is not my bag. I prefer the least amount of attention rather than a situation where all eyes are on me. I’m a nervous public speaker, even when it’s a topic I know a lot about. There are always some awkward moments. The last time I spoke in front of any group was about 15 years ago and it was only a group of 8 people. So that just goes to show you how rare of an event it is.

The wildest thing?

I suggested this. I offered myself up for it. I remember when I did it, it felt like it wasn’t even my idea to begin with, but it didn’t feel wrong either.

I was oddly calm when I initially got to the location where this event was happening. As the place started filling up with people, I could feel that familiar anxiety rise up a bit. I thought to myself, how silly, this is no big deal. People are going to want to hear what I have to say and after all, I made this happen.

I had no prepared speech, I was going wing it. And so, I did. I tried to remember to speak loudly and confidently and to make eye contact with everyone in the room. The topic? Scams and companies that take advantage of small businesses, which is one that does get me fired up because I really rally against those who try and take advantage of others.

I’m not exactly sure how long I managed to talk for. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes. I was nevertheless relieved when it was over. A few folks came up to me afterwards and thanked me and said it was very informative. The organizer wants me back to speak on a quarterly basis.

But rather than thinking, what have I gotten myself into, I’m going to embrace it.

While my nature is truly being a hermit and hiding from attention, something has nudged me to share more of myself, my knowledge, and my experience. That same nudge led me right here one late night, to reach out to share my experience of being a widowed person in the world. As this year is coming to a close, I feel like I’ve stepped into some sort of new phase. The “optimizing” year may be ushering in the “sharing” year. Will be interesting to see where this goes.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.