Can I just please say that I am so incredibly tired? So exhausted. Physically wiped out, mentally and emotionally drained and over-loaded. Too many boxes, too many bags, too many stairs to go up and down with heavy things, too many goodbyes to things I dont really want to say goodbye to, too many opinions from others who say things like: this too shall pass or at least this will all be behind you soon or onto bigger and better things. Now, normally I would take each one of these phrases and break it down for you folks and explain why I dislike each one, but I am on limited time here to write this, because it is now T-minus 5 days until we are out of this house and have to have it emptied out and clean, so I must get back to more packing.

I truly feel as if I have never in my life been this exhausted. But then I remember ALL THE MANY TIMES IVE HAD TO PICK UP MY LIFE AND MOVE after Don died, and I honestly don’t even know how I did it all those times. First up was about 14 months after he died, when I could no longer afford to keep living in our crappy little NJ apartment alone, so I had to get a roommate, move out, and move to Queens NY. That lasted not long at all, because my roommate who I found on Craigslist ended up being a total douchebag, and kicked me and my two cats out. He did give us 2 whole months to find a place, so really, he was a prince. (insert sarcastic tone here.) So then I had to move AGAIN, and found another roommate, and moved to a different part of Queens. That one lasted awhile longer, about 3 years, until it became time to realize that my living in NYC days were done for. So then I had to move AGAIN, this time back to Massachusetts, my home state, to stay with mom and dad and finish writing my book. It was supposed to be a few months that I stayed with them. Instead, it was three years. Book was published, I found some part-time work in real estate, and met what I thought was my next great love story. We dated awhile, then when it became affordable, we decided to get an apartment together nearby. So we did. ANOTHER MOVE. So thats three moves so far, if youre following. We lived in that apartment for less than two years, and we made it through a pandemic the entire time being there, and decided to look for a house, and oh yeah, lets get married! So we put THIRTEEN offers in on thirteen different houses, and finally hit the jackpot with this gorgeous 3-bedroom ranch with a gorgeous property and an inground pool. ANOTHER MOVE. We moved here on August 27th, 2021. Now, exactly three years later, the marriage has become a divorce and closing day on the house is Friday. So, this move will be the SIXTH time I have moved since Don’s death. Crazy. Insane, actually.

So, yes, I have done this dance before. Im quite familiar with the steps. And the stairs. However, I was younger then. Now, Im a bit older, and my knees hurt like hell, and lifting things is harder than I remember, and I think each move has zapped more energy and fight out of me, so at this point, the mere thought of having this house ready to go in the next few days is so beyond exhausting, its tough to put into words.

The point is – Im really freakin’ tired.

All the other emotions about the divorce and the being on my own in a ‘mediocre at best’ apartment and the feeling of not being enough and everything that comes with all of that – that will all come later. That will come when its just me and Autumn kitty sitting on the couch and I begin to finally process everything that has happened this past year or so. And I will have my emotions, and I will go forward yet again, and just keep trying and plugging along. And eventually, hopefully, things will be okay. But right now, I am just so damn tired, and I do not have the luxury of time to rest.

Back to packing …..