I try not to have regrets about things, because I really do think that one decision led to another decijsionn, and to a growing opportunity of some kind. And also, even my relationships that were heartbreaking or ended badly – were at one point beautiful and filled with real love. It is not always easy to think this way, and it can be much easier to get lost in bitterness or anger, but I dont want to live there and I dont want to be angry anymore. I want to live.

Here I go being vague again, but there are still things I feel like I cant or shouldnt post about publicly, which makes it very difficult to keep writing at all. My marriage that ended in a pretty not nice divorce is certainly one of those things, and it’s frustrating to feel like I cant really talk about it here. I mean, I guess I could talk about it, but I dont really want to make public a lot of this stuff that is very personal and that involves another person. I have no desire to hurt my ex-husband, and I have no desire to plaster our issues all over the online world, so I won’t. But I will say this. I was really hoping that we could remain friends after the divorce. Maybe not the kind of friends who hang out all the time, but the kind who check in on each other, who continue to care for each other, and who know that what they had together was something special, and who have each other’s backs.

Well, it became obvious a couple weeks ago that we will not be friends, and that he does not want that at all. I thought he did, because we were texting and having phone calls here and there, and it was nice. We were trying to figure out who we were now, post-divorce, and how to navigate through it. I thought we were getting somewhere. Somewhere nice. Then he met someone. A woman. He plastered photos and posts all over Facebook about them, with talks of new beginnings, being happy, and “my love”. A buncb of my friends sent me screenshots of all this, and thats how I found out. I would have preferred to find out by him telling me, by him giving me a heads up, because that is the kind thing to do. It was really hurtful to be blindsided like that. I hope he finds joy again, truly, and Im happy for him, but that was a bit much. So I told him that. Nicely. And he responded basically saying that he owed me nothing and our relationship was over. Like I didnt know that. I was just really hoping that we would have each others backs. But clearly he doesnt consider me anymore, and things escalated from there, and now I am blocked from all contact with him. It feels very weird to not be able to talk with him, to check in, or to say hello. To not share with him which songs we are doing in my choir, or talk about the Bruins trading Brad Marchand, or many other things we used to talk about. I will get used to it, because I have to, but its hard.

And Im moving forward, and Im meeting great people, and very recently I met someone who feels very special. We will see what happens, but it feels really nice, and it is new, and we will play it out. And even though this thing with my ex hurts, Im getting used to it, and Im going to be more than okay. And I will never regret loving him, or taking that chance on opening my heart again. I still believe, more than ever actually, in big and beautiful love. May it continue to inspire us all.