Widow's Voice

My Beloved

| Posted by:

My beloved,

How thin, or thick, is the veil

Between your world and mine?

Is there a world for you?

Or did you just disappear into nothingness?

Are there alternative worlds in which

You and I exist at a different time?

Still together, still living our lives,

Living and loving passionately,

Instead of me, living here, alone,

Feeling all that nothingness that it seems you disappeared into?

Are there worlds beyond the one where we were together?

Is there a world where we’ll be together again,

Or was what we had here, all that will be?

I ask these questions of myself.

I ask them of the Universe.

There is no answer, of course.

But

If it is only a matter of a thin veil between us now,

Then know that I love you just as madly as when we were two,

And that Love that was between us, is between us, still.

It always will be, you know.

Yes, of course you know.

I’m the one that must be convinced of this,

Because you are so gone and it’s so hard to know it.

Until I remember that there is no death that can truly and fully separate us.

Our Love, our Love story…it is stronger than death.

It must be.

I will not allow it to be any other way

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON A BLOG, sign in to the comments section using your Facebook or Gmail accounts, or sign up for Disqus.