Hello Friends. Happy Sunday.

Last week I shared (finally) that my new beginning, Nick, and I are currently going through a divorce. It was tough to share that here, because I know that my story and OUR love story post-loss has brought a lot of hope to a lot of widowed people. I sincerely hope that you do not lose that HOPE, just because we did not turn out to be a forever thing. Even through all of this heartbreak and sadness, I am still SO thankful that I experienced finding joy and love again. That I was ABLE to and capable, and that someone chose to open their heart to me and me to them. I have zero regrets. Truthfully.

With all that being said, this is a really stressful time. Divorce is so very different than widowhood. At least for me. In a million different ways. The most enormous difference is that with divorce, someone (sometimes both parties, other times not) has made a choice to end the relationship/marriage, and then what follows is a very messy and long-winded fall-out of paperwork, forms, court dates, decisions about splitting up items and things and furniture and pets and selling your HOME that you love and really have no desire to leave, especially when you have no idea where you might be going. With divorce, everything seems to take forever. Theres a lot of waiting. Sign this form, then wait in line at courthouse to get it approved. Then wait for them to process it, which is different than approving it. Then wait for a letter in the mail with your court date for your divorce hearing. (our date will be July 26th, because all bad things in my life happen in July.) Then wait some more AFTER the court date because its not officially official yet until you get the divorce certificate in the mail, months later. Wait, wait, wait. With widowhood, I literally woke up one morning, and my husband was already dead. Everything had already changed and altered and my entire life was different forever, and I had ZERO say and zero time to understand what in the hell was happening. He was just here, and then … POOF …. gone forever.

Oh, and also, with divorce …. nobody is dead.

With widowhood, someone has DIED. A person’s life has ended. Nothing is more profound or final than that.

With my divorce situation, I am processing it a little more each day. And as far as divorces go, this one is not nasty or mean. It started out that way a bit, in the beginning, but I told Nick pretty early on that if we are going to do this divorce thing, we are going to do it with kindness and respect for each other and ourselves. I will not have it any other way. So, as we continue to get the house ready for listing next month, and de-clutter, and prepare the yard and the pool for someone else to enjoy it in the next few months; we are doing our best to cherish every minute in our lovely home, for the short time we have left here. And its hard. Really hard. But I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing, even though I hate it and I hate that there is not a way for us to make this work. But he is alive. I am alive. Nobody died. We just cannot survive together as a married couple, and that reality is heart-wrenching.

Because of my widowed experience, though, I know I can get through most things, and I will. I also know that pain will not kill me, even though it often feels like it will. And I know that I have built up, over the years, a strong resilience, a mountain of courage, and the very best community of friends that a woman could ever hope for. It will be okay. Eventually.

Thank you all for being here for this continued crazy ride.