In the U.S., cremation seems to be the preferred method of disposing of remains with 63.4% compared to a burial rate of 31.6%. Pretty sure this has greatly changed over the decades as even when I was a kid I don’t think anyone I knew of who passed away was cremated. The funeral was always a big to-do.
Looking further into it, it seems in the early 80’s, the cremation rates were only about 10%. Apparently, the Vatican codified permission for cremation (first allowed in 1963) into its Code of Canon Law in November 1983. So the Catholics opened the door for others to follow (even thought it still took quite some time to reach the popularity of today).
Personally, I’m all for big funerals and big memorials. The more outlandish the better in my opinion. If you’ve got it in your will that you will need to be buried in a pyramid-shaped mausoleum, we could definitely be friends.
The unfortunate thing is of course the cost of something big and grandiose. So one of the biggest benefits in returning to dust through flames is that it’s a lot more affordable than a typical funeral.
And as people moved more into the cremation camp, funeral directors almost certainly got together to dream up ways to compensate for not selling $10k caskets and getting paid to coordinate a large funeral. With the times changing, cremation had to be an offering at practically every funeral home. So they seemed to have taken some inspiration from Victorian times when mourning jewelry was quite popular (although it wasn’t ashes incorporated into jewelry, it was usually a lock of hair of your dearly departed – they were really into saving hair of the dead it seems because the Victorians also made art from it).
So basically mourning jewelry was re-branded with a more upbeat name of “keepsake” and the funeral industry discovered a whole new business model.
When Mario died, I was given an entire catalog to browse through full of at least a couple dozen different urn options and the rest of the 20 or so page catalog was memorials and keepsakes. I’m sure we all know what these are by now – jewelry, art objects, plaques, and all manner of products that small amounts of your loved one’s ashes are incorporated into.
Side note: having to sort though all that when your loved one has just passed on is one part chore, one part emotional slog, and two parts overwhelming. They want you to decide right away too, which is daunting. There’s an undertone of, “You don’t want your loved one’s remains to be in a plain box do you?” There’s definitely some marketing psychology that comes into play as well. Any marketer knows that the best marketing plays on emotions and what’s more emotional than death? “You want to be able to HOLD and KEEP your loved one close, don’t you??”
I am a little fascinated by the spectrum of reactions and emotions these items provoke, from fear and disgust to comfort and delight. I’m not at all squeamish about remains and have always leaned a little to the goth side. But I didn’t order any keepsakes when Mario died, must to the dismay of the funeral home. I picked an urn that sort of resembled a UFO (Mario always joked he wanted to be abducted by aliens anyway).
Everything from the catalog seemed a bit cheesy to me, so after about a year or so, I decided to turn to one of my clients who makes glass “rocks” with ashes to do up a small batch for me and a couple of Mario’s close friends. They’re cool looking and I like the handcrafted/artisan factor as well as supporting a small business.
What are your thoughts on memorials and keepsakes? Do you have any with your spouse?
