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Marinating

Posted on: December 26, 2019 | Posted by: Kelley Lynn

There is a space in my heart where that life that I knew now sits. 

It started somewhere around six or seven years after the loss. 

That is when the grief began to move from “always active”, 

to more of a “quiet state”, where it just sort of sits and hangs out, 

and then every now and then, 

something happens to awaken it, 

and Im brought back to that place of early grief. 

The terror, the shaking, the loud crying. 

That place where you can barely catch your breath. 

It returns now and again,

as I imagine it always will. 

But most of the time these days, 

after eight and a half years, 

the grief and the pain are sort of sitting. 

Thats the best way to describe how I feel most of the time

these days – 

like the knowing of losing everything I knew, and the person I was supposed to spend my life with, 

its always there, 

sitting and slowly bubbling. 

It needs to be stirred now and then, 

needs some attention,

as it marinates inside my heart. 

Everything I do,

from today and forward,

whether sad or joyful – 

that life and that knowing,

is a piece of it. 

It is a part of me,

like something that I carry around, 

and feel deeply,

and in a private way. 

It adds both pain, 

and excitement. 

Pain because that person 

is no longer here,

and I will miss them,

forever. 

Excitement 

because I now know the secret

to living a beautiful life,

is to collect all of the Love,

and marinate in it, 

forever. 

Dont ever let go. 

And if anyone tells you different, 

or tries to take away any of that love  – 

you just tell them, 

that you have earned it, 

and you will hold onto it,

Always. 

Categories: Uncategorized

About Kelley Lynn

Kelley Lynn is a comedian, actor, TED talk speaker, and author of "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: the brutally awful, hilarious truth about life, love, grief, and loss." Kelley was widowed at age 39 when her beautiful husband Don left for work one morning and never came home. (sudden heart attack.) Since then, it has been her mission to change the conversations we have surrounding grief and death, and to help those who are sitting in the dark, to find some light again. Kelley is a proud kitty mom to Sammy and Autumn, the 2 rescues that she and Don adopted together. In 2017, Kelley met her next great love story, Nick. They married on New Year's Eve 2020 in a FB LIVE ceremony, and are loving their new home in Westminster, MA.

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