Widow's Voice

Lee is Having Another Birthday

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Lola and I returned home from Tucson around ten days ago.  Predictably, at the end, we were greeted by bumper-to-bumper traffic conditions amidst interminable local construction projects that extended our long road trip by ninety extra, stressful minutes, wintery temperatures, gusty winds, and thick, overcast skies.  Ah, it’s good to be home again.

My calendar is chock full of spring tasks I had scheduled even before we left home for the winter.  However, in March, along with the date of my deceased parents’ wedding anniversary, Lee’s birthday is one important item I do not need a calendar to keep in mind.

Lee was born on March 30, 1954.  Had she lived, she would be 71 years old this coming Sunday.  As always, I will recall and quietly celebrate Lee’s birthday.

Although it is fast approaching five years since Lee passed, not a day goes by when I do not think about her.  Most days, I recall the many good times we shared. Robyn would not begrudge sharing me with Lee on this special day.

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When Lee sensed her end was near, she told a good mutual friend she wanted me to find love again in the future. Much later, this friend shared Lee’s message with me, but needn’t have bothered because Lee already had told me as much, despite being in distress from the severe pain of pancreatic cancer that rendered her bedridden much of the time during those final months. That was Lee: A selfless and generous friend to all who knew her and my devoted companion and loving wife. Even now, when I think back to those awful days, my heart aches for Lee.

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Thus, unlike many, as an aging widower, I felt little guilt when I plunged into the virtual dating scene because I knew Lee had wanted me to find such happiness. And, it has been my great fortune to meet Robyn, who makes me happy. To my utter amazement, despite my status as a senior citizen, I have rediscovered love with her.

Somewhere in this wide universe, my smiling Lee approves.

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary