I don’t like dessert, so I will not be serving it with our Thanksgiving dinner.
I have never really liked dessert.
And, Mike didn’t like dessert either.
I wonder if that is a coincidence?
I think not.
I can tell you that I don’t think there are any coincidences in life,
even when it comes to dessert.
I almost always pass on dessert.
I’d rather have seconds than eat sweets.
Honestly, I’d rather eat more steak and crab (that’s a story for another day).
I like savoury foods because that’s how I like my people too.
I like people who speak and act with a bit of tang.
I like people who are spicy, with a side of sweet.
Even though I don’t like dessert, I do desire the sweet things in life.
Sweet things like a walk in the rain.
A good book.
A good conversation.
A laugh that fills the room.
A kiss that takes your breath away.
I like these things.
I crave these things.
I need these things.
I desperately miss all these sweet things I shared with Mike.
Things like sunshine gleaming off a wine glass as I shared a meal with him.
Things like slow dancing in the kitchen.
I miss looking across the room and knowing that he would smile
and wink at me because I was his.
I still wish I was his girl.
And, a piece of me always will wish this.
I miss him desperately everyday; and during the holidays
I miss him even more than usual.
Like I said, I don’t like dessert; but I am a sucker for the sweet things in life.
I love a good love story.
And, I keep re-playing ours in my mind.
I don’t think this will ever change.
As I was cook our holiday meals I know that I am loved
– even without him here telling me these words.
Love does not die, it actually becomes stronger and even deeper.
I’m thankful for this.
Turkey dinner has always been my favorite meal.
It is home on a plate.
Turkey dinner is reliable.
You know what you are going to get.
Mike was like that.
He was solid and dependable.
He was warm and comforting.
He was home to me.
He still is.
I knew what I was getting with Mike because he was honest and heartfelt.
Mike always made sure I had everything I needed.
A hand with the groceries, his eyes on me,
his hand in mine, a glass of wine, a certain song…
He made sure I had everything I needed.
He still does.
And, just like with turkey dinner,
With Mike there was always more for the next day.
He had more of everything for the people he loved.
More laughter than anyone I know.
His laugh was rich and predicable just like your mother’s gravy.
His smile was warm.
His conversations were filling.
His love fed me until I was full.
I’m grateful to have been loved like this.
I like salt of the earth folk, I always have.
I fell in love with Mike because he was an easy to please Farm Kid with a big heart.
I like substance.
I like something hearty.
That’s why Mike was perfect for me.
And, maybe that’s why I prefer meals over dessert because meals are are more fulfilling.
When making dessert you have to be precise with the ingredients.
Measuring as you go.
When making a meal you can be more carefree.
You can add what you like.
I like that type of cooking.
And, I like that type of living too.
I like spontaneous people, so I guess I come by it honestly when I say I don’t like dessert.
I just don’t like things that need to be carefully prepared to work out “properly”.
I like adventure.
I like blind faith.
I like to follow my intuition.
I like to believe in something bigger than me.
I like to feel with my heart.
I hate being boxed in.
This is why I don’t like using a recipe.
I don’t like being told what to do.
I want to live, I want to learn from experience.
I don’t think a carefully measured life is well lived.
I don’t think recipes that are carefully followed taste as good as cooking from the heart.
So, hands down, I will take turkey dinner and my savoury, sassy people every time.
But, here is the thing… since Mike died,
I am learning that sometimes you need to find comfort in the sweet things.
Life demands this.
Maybe I have to learn to think differently about the offerings before me.
I can continue to pass on dessert, but I can not pass on life.
I have to keep going forward.
The sweetness that I need isn’t found in an apple pie.
I need to find the sweetness that exists in life
and it can’t be served on a plate.
I don’t have all the answers… But, I’m getting there.