Many years ago, in February of 2005, to be exact, on Superbowl Sunday; Don Shepherd packed up his entire life into a Penske truck attached to his car, and drove with his cat Isabelle in his lap from Florida to New Jersey, to begin a new life with me. Our friends came over to help him unpack, I made lasagna for everyone, and we ended the day cuddling on the couch surrounded by boxes and stuff. I was in heaven. I had found my person, and life would forever be easier and just better because he would always be by my side.
Except he wasnt. Because instead, he died, and here I am writing in a blog for widowed people. All these years later, I always think of Superbowl Sunday as the true day that our LIFE together began. It would be another year and a half until we were married, and then about 4 years after that until his sudden death, but Superbowl Sunday would always be the day that I was surrounded by chaos (boxes, things, clutter), and yet never felt more at peace or calm.
Now, all these years later, I am driving to Cape Cod in a little bit here, to watch the Superbowl with my parents, and stay overnight there tonight. I am figuring out life on my own, again, in the aftermath of both widowhood and now post-divorce as well. My second marriage ending in divorce is certainly something I never saw coming, and while it is very sad and very difficult – it does not feel devastating or life-ending in the ways that being suddenly widowed felt, and sometimes still feels. This time, I know I will be okay eventually, and I know that I will get through this and come out of things with new perspective. Its going to take some time.
Right now sort of feels like my life is at the halftime portion of the big Superbowl game. Not sure yet what comes next, where Ill be going or what Ill be doing, how I feel about the idea of ever finding love a THIRD time, and so many other things to ponder. But its okay. Because its half-time, so Im just going to sit here, enjoy the snacks and the company that Ill be watching the game with later, and sit inside of the pause for a little while. I will figure the rest out later.
