Last night I was hanging out with my boyfriend of 2 years, and we found ourselves laughing a lot together.
Its not unusual for us to laugh together, but lately, we have been going through an extremely hard time ,
so laughing together felt like a gigantic sigh.
A huge relief.
Something perhaps lost inside all of the stress, chaos, and busy-ness of life.
It felt so nice to just laugh together, and to have that kind of laughter where you feel like you cant stop,
and where it just comes naturally.
Many things in our relationship come naturally, such as our deep connection and our chemistry and our ways of being calmed by one another.
Sometimes, though, laughter is not always so natural.
We laugh. For sure.
But sometimes his humor is different than mine, or mine is different than his,
or one of us finds something really funny, and the other one doesnt.
Or he is joking and I think he is being serious,
or he is joking about something I dont find alll that funny.
Or I am laughing my ass off at something, and he is looking at me like I am nuts.
So we laugh , but its not always together, and its not always natural.
My relationship with my guy is so very different than the one I had with my late husband.
As it probably should be. They are different people,
and I am different now than I was when Don was alive.
I have been forever changed and altered by loss.
With Don and me, laughter was 100% natural.
Its something we never thought about really.
We just spoke the same language, and found the same things hilarious.
He found ME hilarious, and he was pretty hilarious himself,
and he would get excited whenever I told him that,
because “Im the comedian”, and I know funny.
Anyway, our humor just clicked.
And he had the best laugh Ive ever heard,
in my lifetime.
I say witnessed because it wasnt always heard.
Sometimes it was loud,
and other times it was silent,
but with so much movement,
in his shoulders and legs and head.
When Don laughed, everything in him shook.
It was like an earthquake of the body,
just moving everywhere and all over,
It was fantastic.
And it was often.
I could make him laugh easily.
Lying in bed together, laughing uncontrollably at something stupid,
was a common thing for us.
It felt amazing.
Last night felt amazing.
and we laughed together,
with each other.
Sometimes when things dont come as naturally
or happen as often,
they feel more special
when they do happen.
In this time of stress and uncertainty,
we really need laughter.
And so I am grateful for the laughter.
May we always be able to find it,
in various and new ways,