Fear and uncertainty. With countries worldwide trading angry threats, I suddenly feel fearful and uncertain about my future well-being. I struggle to stay focused and calm. Meanwhile, the roiling financial markets and dire warnings of experts and pundits do little to restore my confidence and well-being regarding the future.
Recent events have felt like a gut punch. Even so, I would not describe my reaction as visceral. There is more at work here than human emotion.
For one thing, experience teaches us that certain events are beyond one’s control. I try to be rational. For example, if one accepts the conventional wisdom that the financial markets eventually will recover, will my remaining time be sufficient to reap the benefits?
The answer to this critical question is uncertain and unknowable. I turn seventy-four in June and have no intention of returning to full-time employment as an attorney! For seniors, the possibility of blowing through our resources, whether due to drastically lower stock valuations, rampant inflation, trade wars, military incursions, reduced Social Security or Medicare benefits, or another unimaginable catastrophe, might seem slight, but it remains a frightening prospect.
***
Fear and uncertainty. There were times when fear and uncertainty dominated how I would approach the future with Lee. Given her medical history, I always had a sinking suspicion it was a question of when, not if, she would succumb.
Of course, Lee was highly vigilant about monitoring her health. Yet, I could not help but experience fear and uncertainty if she scheduled a routine medical test or doctor visit. For many years, my worries and ill feelings seemed misplaced because, with few exceptions, Lee was healthy. However, beginning around 2010, things changed dramatically and for the worse. Finally, it reached a point where every test she took or medical visit she made filled me with dread, though I never said a word about this to Lee. As much as I might wish for positive results, there were none.
Indeed, for ten years or more, Lee experienced setback after setback, always destined, it now seems, to die young, despite my deepest desires to the contrary.
***
Some lessons are only learned the hard way. I might assume I can weather whatever economic headwinds come my way, meanwhile, I concede that what passes for success, even personal happiness, is ephemeral and not to be taken for granted. For example, as much as I look forward each year to traveling to the southwest for a couple of months of mild, sunny weather, while my hometown remains cold, overcast, and snowy, this year I might have to hold off a bit before making any commitment, at least until I have a better feel for where the economy is headed. Crystal ball, anyone?
