Widow's Voice

Cat Ladies

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A recent Pew poll of people of different ages who don’t have biological children (see https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/ 7/25/24) suggests this circumstance is more common nowadays than when I came up. I could go into detail trying to explain how my situation evolved, but why bother?  Today I am seventy-three years old and don’t plan to become a biological parent any time soon, no matter how many wealthy Hollywood celebrities might be bucking the trend.

The list of reasons poll respondents gave to explain why they are childless is noteworthy precisely because it was varied and extensive. Simply put, there is no consensus.  In contrast, a clear majority of respondents opine that people who are parents have it easier because their kids will care for them as they age.

Certainly, as an aging adult who is not a biological parent, I frequently try to glance ahead in time, imagining how life will be once I am truly old. This exercise is daunting, yet I can’t begrudge someone else simply because he or she has had children. Meanwhile, if I tend to my plans, I should remain self-sufficient for the foreseeable future.

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Recently, I heard this guy call me out because I never had kids. His words and tone were disparaging. Further, the guy’s disparaging remarks could just as easily have been directed at Jane or Lee.

Jane was my second wife. We have been divorced for many years. Of course, my sweet Lee died much too soon. Smart, successful, and possessed of many other fine qualities, neither woman had biological children, but at various times both had owned one or more cats!

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I am busy today examining the personality traits that experts look for as evidence of an antisocial personality to see whether I have this disorder, which could mean that I am a sociopath.  Not all personality traits are equal or alike.  As much as I might wish to remain completely objective in making this assessment, weighing evidence always involves making some subjective judgments.

Today I can say with confidence that I don’t meet the diagnostic criteria. In consequence, however, there is no legitimate reason for name-calling or making insinuations that imply otherwise.

Indeed, even without children, I always endeavored to give back more to my community than I took from it.  I still do.

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary