So my parents are moving on Tuesday. For the past almost decade, I have either lived in their house with them (before getting my own apartment with Nick, and then, now, our own house), or they have been less than 10 minutes away. I could just “drop by” mom and dads, which happened often, and they were right there for anything we needed. On Tuesday, they will no longer live in that house anymore, and I can no longer just show up for a cup of tea. (Well, I could, but the new owners might call the cops.) It has always been my moms dream to live on Cape Cod, by the ocean. Now, at age 77, she is finally getting that chance. Its not exactly how she saw it in her dreams. Instead of a home on the ocean, its an over 55 community condo, near the ocean. And she isnt retired – she will have to keep working full-time in order to afford the maintenance fees and in order to allow my dad to finally retire, as his health is not as good as hers. The place where they are going has many amenities, and even comes with homemade meals on the premise’s in-house restaurant. After a life of cooking almost daily for her family/husband, my mom is VERY excited to now only have to make dinner on weekends or special occasions or when she feels like it. My dad is having a hard time with this move – he doesnt want to leave the neighborhoods he has lived in his whole life, and at age 77 himself, sees no real reason to leave them now. He is doing this for my mom, because he knows it is important to her.
Im going to miss them so much, AND Im really excited for this change for them. I think they need this in their life – an easier lifestyle. My mom wants to be able to walk along the ocean for exercise, instead of walking on a treadmill indoors. She wants to take the yoga classes offered and other things they have there for the seniors. My dad wants to stay near his kids and his grandkids, and not be in the same state, but 2 hours away. The good news is that because my mom and I work on the same real estate team, she will still be holding meetings once per month in this area with some professional groups she has started, so once a month, they will stay at our house for the weekend. In this way, Im happy to have them here, and pay forward all the many times I stayed with them in their home.
Anyway, moving sucks, and this move for them has been very stressful. There are boxes and bags everywhere, everything is turnned upside down, and they have had to change the closing date several times because the transaction has been kind of a nightmare with the people who are buying their house. The stress of it all , especially anytime we are emmersed in piles of boxes and bags, immediately brings me back to 10 years ago. Don Shepherd died suddenly, and in the same week, we held his funeral, and then helped move my parents out of the home they had lived in together their entire married lives, and the home I grew up in. They had been foreclosed on, so it was not a happy move, nor was it by choice. July of 2011 was the hardest, saddest, most painful month in our little familys history. And it was STRESSFUL beyond words. Just so much loss and so much overwhelm in our hearts. I will never forget it. These days, whenever Im in a room filled with boxes and bags and things being in a state of chaos, it brings me right back to that awful week in my life where we were packing up the life we knew, and heading into one none of us wanted to enter into. My heart beats fast when I see those piles, because it reminds me not only of packing up my parents entire LIFE into moving trucks, but also of the state of my apartment in the weeks and months following Don’s sudden death. All his STUFF – just sitting there, haunting me, making me feel claustrophobic, his things in boxes and bags and I was stuck on stuck and couldnt even touch them, never mind decide what to do with all of it. It was just me, and piles of stuff that belonged to a life that no longer existed. In a room filled with boxes, I often feel like I cant breathe.
Change is hard. Moving sucks, even when its a move you want to make. And triggers happen. Life is filled with them.
With all of it, I try my best to acknowledge all the feelings that are going on, and to honor them all equally.
The boxes make me anxious, but seeing my mom walking on the ocean will fill me with peace.