Every now and then I’ll think about all the things in the world that have transpired since Mario made his exit from this life, big things and small.

Part of his depression always included all the bad stuff happening in the world that an individual has little control over. No amount of trying to convince him that it’s not his personal fault and that there would be no way humanly possible for him to solve “all the things” seemed to help. So I know how he would still be lamenting big events. In his later years, he’d make videos on his phone where he would rant about certain things. He wouldn’t post them anywhere. I think it was just the act of making them and getting out his thoughts that happened to be therapeutic for him. I get that, because that’s how I often use writing.

He also used to lament things happening in the world of music, art, design or technology. I almost hear him ranting from the great beyond about the popularity of so-called AI right now. I’m sure it wouldn’t just be one rant either! It would probably be a weekly one.

I saw an ad promoting a “self driving” feature on a car earlier in the week. The selling point was that engaging the self driving mode would lead to a “stress free” driving experience. I had the opportunity to drive a car recently that didn’t have the self driving thing, but the “assisted driving” thing. To me, it was utterly unnerving to feel the wheel turn itself in your hands if you were approaching a curve. Between that and things beeping at me to alert me to one thing or another, it made me totally stressed out. I have 2 vehicles and both of them still have hand crank windows and no screens (one has no electronics at all as it’s from 1970). Mario liked the backup camera on his dad’s car, but agreed that the only self driving car he’d be interested in are the kind you’d see in a sci-fi movie. It’s not so much that I don’t have some faith in technology. By this point in time, technology is totally ingrained in our lives and we use it every day. But I think true artificial intelligence has a way to go to be mainstream (and I’m not even going to get into the pitfalls and dangers that might be associated with it).

And then there are the big life event type stuff I wonder how he would have handled, like his dad needing a lot of assistance through some health issues or my dad getting in a wreck and passing away.

There are other smaller things that I often wonder what Mario would think about. One example is the fact I’ve become a little bit of a gym rat. Honestly, that kind of even shocked me as I was not expecting to actually enjoy pumping iron. It just popped into my head one day to consider it and then I found out my health insurance plan gets me a discount, so off I went.

I’ve already talked about what I think he’d think of the little teardrop trailer I got. Still wish he would have gotten to experience camping in that.

Mario always loved to cook, so I often wonder what he’d think about all the cooking I do now.

I wonder how he would have liked the display I made of all his Star Wars LEGO sets.

And then just little things that happen on a daily basis.

I wonder how many other widowed folks do the same sort of thing? My guess would be a lot of us. I think it’s part of this large process of grief and not having a person in your life that was in your life for however long they were.