Widow's Voice

A Tough Week

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I’m late posting, so apologies there. Since my last post, I found out that the pain I’ve been experiencing is from a pinched nerve in my neck. The fancy name is Cervical Radiculopathy. I have to say, on the pain scale, it definitely went over 10 and to date, this has been one of the toughest physical things I’ve had to go through.

The worst part? I feel like it’s pretty much my fault. Last night, while trying to go to sleep (which has been rough with this condition, to say the least), I just kept spinning the thought over and over again. And I thought about how for years Mario did something that was highly detrimental to his heath and basically just flat out ignored symptoms. Basically, that’s what I was doing with this.

Granted, he was clinically depressed and he was clouding his thinking with copious amounts of alcohol. But I’ll never forget what he said to me the day his symptoms finally punched through the inebriated haze … “I never thought THIS would happen.”

I couldn’t believe he said it. My mind was just flabbergasted. How could someone possibly drink and drink and drink for 15 years and think nothing would ever happen?

Well, in a way, I feel like I have done the same thing, only replace copious amounts of alcohol with copious amounts of working on a computer. Not as grave, for certain, but highly detrimental. My really awful posture did not help.

All along, I kidded myself that I was a bit invincible. I could push through the tight muscles in my neck and shoulders and upper back. I brushed off the early symptoms of nerve issues. Every now and then I’d get some massage work, or do a little foam rolling, but nothing consistent.

I had stopped going to regular acupuncture and didn’t really address stress management in a serious capacity. I worked out 3x a week, but ignored all the other things. So here I am sitting with that realization that I’m here because my body finally had enough of me ignoring it.

Unlike Mario, I can DO something about this. Thankfully, my “vice” was not quite as detrimental. It’s definitely been an eye-opening experience and it’s going to take some time and a lot of behavioral modifications but I feel like I’m going to end up in a much better place.

It could have been even worse, and I’m thankful it isn’t. Nothing like serious pain to really get your attention.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.