Have you ever felt like you need a vacation from your life?

I like my life. Sometimes I love it. But it is a hard won life. It is stressful and hard and chaotic and complex. It is filled with grief and sadness and trauma and lots of tough things that many people never go through. And I know that going through all those things, and living with and inside those things, has made me a better person – a more layered and caring person. I know.

But sometimes , I just wonder what it would be like to be one of those people who has a very easy life. To be one of those people who never really has deep thoughts or never has had any horrific grief. There are people out there who dont ever experience losing someone until they are much older and a grandparent dies , and then they go many years with no additional sicknesses or death. Maybe they have things easy at work too, they have a lot of money and not a lot of problems. And Im not saying that people wiht money dont have problems. But there ARE people out there who sort of glide through life without anything much happening to them that is difficult. And I wouldnt want to be one of those people for a long time. What kind of a life is that? Its not very deep. You wouldnt really learn much or feel much or grow much. But if I could just have that life for a month or two – sit by a pool and swim without a thought in the world and just really relax and do whatever I want – not have any stress or worries about making enough money or work stress or whatever else – that would be amazing. To not have my brain that keeps itself awake at night thinking about how one day , Im going to die, or my parents will die, or Nick will die, and what will I do when that day comes? Why cant my brain just think about normal things?

I dont know. But I need a break from my life. I need to enter another life thats less complicated. THen, when I get bored and feel grateful for mine again, I can come back. And all will be well.