Widow's Voice

Time and Possessions

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This week was a whirlwind and it was Saturday afternoon when I’d realized I hadn’t queued up a new post! So apologies there everyone.

I also managed to completely lose track of even what the date was by week’s end.

I’m still feeling rather positive about being busy though. And unlike the many times in the past when I was busy on the work front, I’m actually doing other things too. This feels like a lot more balance in my life than I’ve previously had.

In hindsight, I also feel like I just wasn’t in the right “place” previously to manifest balance. I don’t know if there’s a singular reason behind that, but I have a feeling timing is a big part of it.

I also feel like I’ve needed each of the years that has passed since Mario died to work on myself too.

One of the other things I’ve been doing is really going through the music collection Mario left behind. Yes, it’s kinda taken me 4 full years to really face this task.

Mario had always said that he would have liked to donate his collection to a university library. I actually did look into that after he passed but I could not get any libraries at all interested. So I figured the next best thing would just be to go through things to determine what I wanted to actually keep.

We’re talking about probably a couple thousands CD and records (and even more when you consider my own collection mixed in), so it’s no small task, but I’m baby stepping it.

What I can say so far is it’s been a bit of an emotional ride. Music is one of those things that has always been a touchpoint for bringing up memories from different times in my life.

Fun fact … there’s actually a scientific reason why music connects to memories. When we hear music our amygdala and hippocampus (the emotional and memory centers) in our brains are activated and can instantly trigger vivid memories.

So yeah, listening to some of these records, especially the ones we both played while DJing has been bitter sweet.

And with the CDs, while I’m going through those I’m paying close to any “messages” that may pop into my head. I’ve popped a few things in the mail to friends based on thoughts I get like “you should send this to ______”. Could it be Mario helping me out from the great beyond? Perhaps, but regardless, everyone I’ve sent a piece of Mario’s collection to so far has been happy about it.

Little by little, I’ll get through it.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.