Im exhausted. Like, really really tired. Ive been working two and three jobs for as long as I can remember, plus all my volunteer work, plus a million other responsibilities. Then a couple weeks ago, my husband Nick got pneumonia. He is on the mend now, but it took a couple weeks, and yesterday I started coughing like crazy and not breathing well and feeling dizzy and feverish. Great. I CANNOT BE SICK. Like, I literally cannot afford to get sick. If I miss even two days of driving the student van or grief counseling sessions, Im totally screwed and I will end up being totally behind on all my bills again, and then it will take forever to catch up. I dont have the kind of jobs where I get “sick time.” Well, with the student driving, we build up sick time hours slowly, or “earn them” as we go along. But since the new school year just started, I only have like 2 hours of sick time currently. And with grief counseling, if I cancel a session, I dont get paid. So once again I find myself feeling not well, and instead of focusing on getting better, Im focused on the sheer stress of how quickly this ruins me financially.
To top it all off, we are supposed to go to NYC on Friday for the weekend, because my mentor and boss of 16 years; the Chairman of the Adelphi University Performing Arts Dept., is retiring after 50 years of service to the students. He wanted an old-fashioned “roast” as his retirement party, and he wanted me to host it. So that is happening in just 6 days, and I NEED to be better by then, because we have been prepping and rehearsing on zoom and looking forward to this, for as long as I can remember. Im going to be beyond upset and act like a whiny beeyotch if I cant make this trip. Im headed to Urgent Care today and Ill find out if its pneumonia, and hopefully get on some antibiotics or whatever.
Also, I miss Don so much anytime I dont feel well. He was a paramedic by trade, and he grew up in a house of nurses. All his sisters and his mom were nurses. He just loved being a caretaker by nature. He loved it so much and he was so patient with me and so loving. ANytime I didnt feel well, he would sit with me and rub my temples and give me little neck massages, and make sure I was hydrated and all of that. It was so adorable how he seemed to really enjoy doing it.
Anyway, I dont know what the point of this post is, except for me to whine and have you all feel sorry for me lol. And also, I forgot to write in here again last week, so theres that. Thank you to listening to my babble. Im going back to sleep.