My sister’s birthday took place on September 22nd. She’ll be gone for four years this coming December.
As far back as I can remember, my sister was unhappy. I’m not sure why, but I suspect her relationship with our mother was at least a contributing factor to my sister’s lifelong unhappiness. I can’t say with any certainty why their relationship seemed so fraught. I’m not aware of any major incidents between them, but then I was considerably younger than my sister and might have been out of the loop. However, I did observe that the die seemed cast while my sister was still young.
My sister was smart and talented. She had one husband and two sons. And before she married, she had an interesting professional career. Yet sadly, in terms of attitude and outlook, it seemed to me, and to others, that life never got much better for her.
Indeed, as time passed, she could harbor perceived grievances that she believed unfairly contributed to her unhappiness. If she felt like the victim, my sister mostly internalized it but occasionally offered a peek behind the curtain. I was never particularly sympathetic. Too often, it sounded like she was making excuses.
Lee liked my sister, and they got along well. Lee, genuinely empathetic, tried her best to get close to my sister. I know my sister deeply appreciated Lee’s kindness but couldn’t help who she was. My sister simply could never lower her armor, and this flaw eventually defeated Lee’s efforts.
When my sister fell ill, it seemed like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I always found it remarkable that she never worked to recover even when she still might have persevered. To me, she slowly, inevitably gave up on life. And almost predictably, my sister died alone in a long-term care facility located in another state.
The last time I saw my sister turned out to be a week before she passed. By then, though, I observed it was much too late to hope for a happy outcome. Still, I assumed she would remain stable indefinitely.
I gave her a brotherly goodbye kiss and told her that I’d be back to see her soon. I never did, at least while she was still alive, so I am grateful that I made the trip.
***
Except for my sister’s kids, I am the last living adult member of our family. Now, I wish I had known my sister better. Now, as I approach my own conclusion, I wish she had found more happiness in her life.
Still, I wish you a happy birthday, sis.
