Widow's Voice

Misdirected Focus

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A photo of a magnifying glass with a black X drawn on it

Since my dad’s passing this July, I initially didn’t have a lot of time to think and review my feelings about it all because I was helping my mom.

I think scattering his ashes at sea mid October really kind of locked the reality in that he’s gone. And consequently, I’ve had more time to really think about how he ended up in the place he was before the fateful day he got into the wreck that was basically the end.

I’m particularly focused on this because your parents are your genetics. What happens to them as they age—what issues they have, what diseases is the kind of foreshadowing that could literally be a crystal ball for you.

This doesn’t mean for sure that those same issues will affect you, but there is certainly a higher likelihood. Genetics is a fascinating thing. A million things can influence all the genes you have.

What I found out a couple years ago when I had my full genome sequenced, was that I have one copy of a particular gene that can raise the risk of things like cardiovascular issues and dementias. Having the one copy means that one of my parents has the gene. I’m pretty sure it was my dad.

So this gene (APOE E4) changes the way your body processes cholesterol. For years, my dad’s blood tests always showed high cholesterol and he always just shrugged it off. When my own blood tests years ago came back with high cholesterol, I dove in head first to research why. I didn’t understand it because I didn’t even eat meat. However, I definitely ate a lot of other high fat foods. Changing what I ate, made a big difference.

While I always tried to share my findings with my dad, he seemed to only place focus on his high blood pressure and his weight (and he was not really overweight at all). He always talked about “being healthy, exercising and eating right” for longevity, but in reality (and especially in his later years) he fell victim to every “miracle supplement” that claimed to lower blood pressure or weight loss.

It was misplaced focus. He was still doing all the things that were bad for his genetic makeup. The saddest part was watching this transpire over the last 5 years or so. He ended up with dementia and having multiple Lacunar strokes – both things that the APOE E4 gene can raise the risk factor for.

Now, I feel like this is the last unintended thing my dad taught me. It’s a “lesson” I definitely want to commit to memory. I hope to keep this mindful awareness of any misguided focus I have going forward.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.