This morning, a friend of mine posted a meme on social media that said: “Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when noone else was.” The truth and simplicity in this statement struck me – about how absolutely powerful and meaningful it can be to have someone show you kindness, when you are going through something pretty awful. The kindness stands out even more than usual, because everything else around you is so dark. And it doesn’t need to be a stranger either. IT can be anyone, anywhere, at any time. And I do believe that kindness comes back to those who give it. Not in the way that we might think though. It doesn’t prevent you from dying really young when you deserve way more time for life. I used to think that it was so unfair and so wrong that someone as kind as Don Shepherd had to die at 46, while total and complete jerks are out there living until 95 and then dying peacefully in their sleep. Okay, I STILL think it’s wrong! Who am I kidding? But now, I guess I understand better that life is random like that, and people die when they die, and there’s not much we can do about that.
So how did Don’s life of kindness come back to him like a boomerang? In sooooo many ways. At his funeral. Hundreds of people showing up, wall to wall people with people standing up in the extreme heat of July. Nurses and fellow paramedics and EMTS he worked with, all in uniform as a sign of respect. Leaving their shifts to attend the services. People I had never seen before, coming up to me and telling me who they were and how kind Don was to them. The guy that ran the bodega in back of our apartment building was there. Victor. He said that Don came in almost every morning (I must have been at work, because I had no idea). Some mornings he would buy the paper or something small, and some mornings he would just come in to talk and say hello. “I loved seeing him. He was always smiling and always so kind, and he asked me my name and shook my hand and then called me by my name ever since. I will miss him coming into my store.” That day, I heard so many stories about my husband that I didnt even know occured. He was kind, and he was very humble. He left an impression on so many people, and his kindness mattered to them, and they gave it back.
Days and weeks and months and even years later, his kindness legacy lived on even further, because all the people he was so kind to, paid back his kindness by showing me tremendous kindness. Several men I had never met and dont know at all on a guitar website Don hung out on – got together and raffled off a guitar and gave me the money to help me out after his sudden death. The guy who ran the Italian take-out place heard about his death, and sent me my usual order along with a bottle of wine and his condolences. I guess whenever Don would walk down the street to pickup our take-out order, they would chat and Don would ask him about his wife and kids, and then remember details of their conversation next time and ask about it. “Your husband was a wonderful man”, he said to me on the phone, choking up. Yes, he was. THe mechanic down the block helped me out too, and told me if I ever had problems with my husbands old beat up car, to come by and he would take care of me. For awhile, he didnt charge me at all, and when he did, it was very little. He told me that Don, who used to also be a mechanic both on planes in the Air Force and then on cadillac cars, used to stop by and chat with him while he worked, and how much he looked forward to seeing him when he would come in.
The boomerang continued for a long time, and still does. And then I started my “Pay it Forward for Don Shepherd” campaign, which is doing an act of kindness in his honor and telling me about it, and now that has turned July 13th, his death day, into a day of hope and purpose; even though it still hurts like hell. Why not hurt like hell and also be extra kind on that day, and every day?
It makes a way bigger impact on someone than you might think. They could be struggling to get through the day, and your kindness gave them that tiny bit of hope to keep trying, and to not give up just yet.
Plus, boomerangs are fun.