I sat on a stool at the kitchen counter, reviewing estate documents and setting up a Zoom meeting with my estate lawyer for early next week. The sliding door to the rear porch and backyard was still wide open. Weather permitting, opening this door is one of my first acts of the day. Then, if I’m home, Lola the pup can come and go as she pleases.
This morning, I felt cool air seeping inside through the open door. Now, it’s closer to five p.m. and sunlight from the west is flooding my kitchen, however, the temperature is cool for August. Luckily, summer temperatures are predicted to make their return this weekend.
We’ve lately had rain. However, except for two brief episodes of steady or hard rain, the rain has been light and sporadic, while the sky has been overcast, full of menacing clouds. My garden still looks fresh and green for the third week of August.
I am back at the kitchen counter but no longer interested in reviewing these estate documents. I cease reading and put aside my notes. Then I step onto the porch to admire my green garden in the late afternoon sunlight.
***
One day blends into the next day. Most of my days will include exercise, writing, running errands, and playing with Lola. Most nights I will play guitar, but on weekends I might begin playing by mid-afternoon, particularly on Sundays after Robyn leaves me to return home.
I am an avid reader, but reflexively turn my television on after dark, preferring news shows or movies. Often, television functions as a form of white noise. Many nights I will doze off on the couch. Eventually, I take Lola outside to conduct her final business for the night, a part of our routine that signals it’s serious bedtime. I shut off the television set and the lights, while Lola saunters into the bedroom.
***
For me, a relaxed lifestyle is not boring even if it has become predictable. I worked as a trial and appellate lawyer for nearly fifty years, built a successful practice from scratch, and, I think, enjoyed a good reputation among my peers. I might still be working, except for the fact of Lee’s death in 2020, which brought home how fleeting and transitory life is. And, with that realization, my enthusiasm for work drained and dissipated.
I have no serious regrets about my decision to take a professional step back. I now have other pursuits, including charitable endeavors, writing, and extended travel, that I might not have developed if I were still gainfully employed and running a business. Naturally, I maintain my law licenses and various certifications. I continue to perform occasional legal work but now it’s strictly on a project basis.
***
As a childless widower, I’ve come to appreciate the benefits of two people sharing life’s chores and day-to-day responsibilities. Over time I’ve discovered that Robyn is a human dynamo, who happily pitches in whenever we’re together, providing welcome assistance that makes my life easier. However, she does so strictly as a volunteer out of the goodness of her heart. I don’t take her assistance for granted.
In this regard, our relationship is not identical to my relationship with Lee. Lee and I had a clear division of labor, established through trial and error over many years of living together.
Robyn and I met so much later in life. Our respective routines were already settled and firmly in place. Robyn’s life circumstances are also more complex than mine because she shares a house with her adult daughter and an adult granddaughter. She has family ties that run deeper than the mere wishes or desires of a Johnnie-come-lately like me.
Of course, someday Robyn and I might decide to be together on a less transient, permanent basis. Then, living together might alter the status quo. However, until that day arrives, my responsibility for living is solely my own.
