Widow's Voice

In this boat.

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Finally made it to the local widow’s lunch group again this past Monday. It’s often difficult for me to attend because it is a Monday at 11am. So if I have a client (or potential client) that wants a zoom or something, I’ve got to prioritize it. Everyone in the group totally understands.

I’m the youngest one in the group. A new lady I had not met before greeted me and said, “So you’re in this boat too, huh?” Yup, sadly in this boat.

So far at the couple groups I’ve been to, the topics of conversation has been wide-ranging, which is good. We don’t only focus on the deaths of our collective spouses. Being “in this boat” isn’t our entire identity, although it certainly feels that way when it’s new.

In the first year especially, EVERYTHING seems to revolve around this life altering event. The key thing is that’s totally normal. One thing widowed people almost always bring up is that there seems to be a tendency for some people (who have not experienced this) to expect there to be a set period of time, after which, you should, “move on with your life”.

Luckily I didn’t really experience a lot of that. For the most part any friend, acquaintance, colleague, or client was basically very understanding. There were a couple people over the past 5 years who have offhand dropped a question about “finding someone else”. To which I always respond with something along the lines of “hell no”. My “boat” is a 1 seater now as far as that goes.

The group is also good just to be around people who fully “get it”. Yes, everyone’s experience is a little different, but you don’t have to explain yourself or your actions … they just know. If someone’s having a rough time of it, everyone is there to be supportive.

As most people in the group are older ladies, they also look out for one another. Checking in if they don’t show up to a couple meetings, that sort of thing. Some have formed strong friendships that extend outside the group. A couple ladies were missing from the latest meet up because they were out camping together. A bunch them all went to the movies the following day.

So besides the fact we’re all in the group is rather sad, the group itself is a good thing. If there’s a local, in-person widow’s group in your area, give it a try.

About Sherry Holub

I met my spouse, Mario, at UCLA School of Art in 1993. After graduating in 1995, I founded a small agency specializing in web and graphic design. Mario became my partner in the company in 1999. In 2002, we were married at the Costa Mesa, CA court house because neither of us wanted a big wedding ceremony (after already being together since 1995).

Mario was a highly talented artist, musician, illustrator and 3D Designer, but a tortured one. He was one of those gentle, creative souls who ended up burning twice as bright for half as long. Mario lost the battle with liver disease induced by alcoholism (almost exactly 6 months after he became sober) on 2/10/21.

I’m a long-time artist and writer with a background in photography who enjoys cooking, getting outdoors, staying young at heart, and sharing experiences to potentially help others. When it comes to writing, I’ve written both for fun and professionally over the years. Writing is also sometimes therapy for me and I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences with a wider audience.