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In Between …

Posted on: August 2, 2019 | Posted by: Kelley Lynn

At eight years post-loss, I am somewhere different than ever before,

and yet,

not quite where I would like to be. 

 

I am well past the soul-crushing, hopeless feelings of everyday existence. 

And still, 

there are days where my heart feels like it has stopped beating,

or like there is a large boulder sitting on it,

temporarily. 

 

 

At eight years, 

life moves forward 

and life looks back. 

 

Joy is abundant, 

and sadness 

sits dormant. 

Still. 

 

I wonder where my dead husband is,

at eight years,

other than dead. 

How does his soul feel currently?

Does he continue to grow and change,

in a cell-energy-science kind of way?

Or is he just floating across the universe,

unaware and free and unburdened?

I dont know.

I may never know. 

 

I miss learning things with him.

I hope he still learns things 

on his own,

in the soul world. 

Life teaches me new things

every day. 

I still havent quite learned

though,

how to live 

without him. 

How to stop 

the bleeding

that comes from

the intense 

missing. 

Even If I learned how,

Im not sure 

that I would stop it.

Im not sure I would ever 

want to stop missing him. 

 

Time moves forward,

life marches on,

and the heart

remembers when. 

 

I am in between phases

of grief,

of life,

and maybe I am meant to stay here,

because losing someone

to death,

leaves life sad and joyous,

painful and ecstatic,

funny and tragic,

and everything

In Between. 

Categories: Uncategorized

About Kelley Lynn

Kelley Lynn is a comedian, actor, TED talk speaker, and author of "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: the brutally awful, hilarious truth about life, love, grief, and loss." Kelley was widowed at age 39 when her beautiful husband Don left for work one morning and never came home. (sudden heart attack.) Since then, it has been her mission to change the conversations we have surrounding grief and death, and to help those who are sitting in the dark, to find some light again. Kelley is a proud kitty mom to Sammy and Autumn, the 2 rescues that she and Don adopted together. In 2017, Kelley met her next great love story, Nick. They married on New Year's Eve 2020 in a FB LIVE ceremony, and are loving their new home in Westminster, MA.

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