So today is Don Shepherds birthday. But of course, not really.
Today he would have been 55 years old. But instead, he is forever 46. Instead, I have now surpassed his age by 3 years, even though he was almost 8 years older than me. Instead, I will be 50 next year, while my husband will never reach that milestone.
Its a weird feeling, to be younger than someone, and then they die, and you catch up to their age, surpass it, and now you are older. It feels odd, and not correct. It makes me sad. At this point, I just wish he could be here on earth. I wish he could have more life. I wish he didnt get jipped out of time. I wish my niece could know who he was or is, because she was born after he died. I wish my guy who I love with all my heart could have somehow met Don, and I wish they could have gone fishing together or gone to a concert together. They are both Air Force veterans, love the same kind of music, and I truly think they would have been great friends in some other strange life. I wish I could talk to him right now about the crazy election stuff. I wish, I wish, I wish ….
Not sure what I will do with this day. Nothing seems right or appropriate or healing. But Nick and I will get our usual Friday night take-out dinner, and we will order from a local Italian place, and remember Don by getting his favorite dinner, chicken parmigiana with linguini, and root beer to drink. Other than that, I have my memories, and I will sit with those and make sure they are honored in my mind and my heart. Really, Im not sure what else to do. Honor the life I had, live and cherish the life I have now, and hold both safely in my soul, until way beyond forever.
Happy Stardust Birthday, my Dear Dead Husband. I will love and miss you forever.